My Conflicted Mind- Part 1 (Oh My! So Fancy!)


Part 1 – How Best to Spend Time on Your Bum

I didn’t realized until we went on vacation this past weekend that I am not reading nearly enough! I know knitting is a passion – I have lots of passions – but my first true passion was always reading. From a young age I became a library scavenger,  spending hours amongst the stacks careful in my selection and confident in my choices.  As a teenager and college student I read for both pleasure and academics, sometimes they came together like with William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury  which is still one of my favorite books today. After I finished college I was reading about a book a week (this is an average I am pulling off Goodreads here) which seemed to satisfy my needs quite well. But since knitting has morphed from a passion to a possible business venture my reading has dropped by the wayside. My spare time is spent reading other blogs, knitting, blogging and then some more knitting. It is quite a dilemma.

So, at around four o’clock this morning I picked up Just One Day by Gayle Forman,  a book my lovely niece left at my house and which had peaked my curiosity. I got my niece started with her first two books, both of which I highly recommend, and the book seemed to be taunting me all night long. Knit, purl, knit, purl -look at book- knit, purl, knit -look at book- knit…oh Sh!$ that wasn’t right! After having a few disastrous rows completely shatter my focus I went ahead and fixed the work so I could continue on with the pattern and put it aside, then I dove at the book with a single minded purpose. I was going to read.

And read I did. But there was something missing from the magic I usually feel when I am reading. Typically, I pick up a book and have no problem losing myself in an imaginary world which always seems that it was created just for me. The weight, texture and smell of the book all invaded my senses and I become more and more curled up in the couch, as if protecting the book from being snatched out of my hands. The books was a quick, easy read and very enjoyable but still….what was missing? Where was the magic? Well friends and neighbors (yes, I am stealing this from Stephen King) there was also guilt invading my imaginary world.

While trying to lose myself in my story I was constantly distracted by other things; I should be blogging, I should be taking pictures, I should be knitting, I should be doing my budget. I have begun to loath any thought that starts with “I should…”. Knitting, blogging, editing pictures and reading all involve sitting, which is a concept I take issue with. When there is abalance between activity and leisure the world is pretty much okey dokey in my book -pun intended- but when you spend so much time sitting in comparison to moving, I feel like my time sitting should be productive. I row every morning, and usually run every night. The best part of being an insomniac is that there are more hours in the day to accomplish everything you want to, but between work and sitting at home working I just feel lazy. So now the internal debate of how to handle all the things that bring me joy while off my feet is raging in my head.

How to handle a conflict of interest with two things you love? Striking a balance seems the best way, but can that fully eradicate the feeling of guilt? When you know how short and precious life is, how can you not want to do everything you love everyday? Besides the fact that I know this is an impossibility, I am still going to figure out if I can do it. Denial is a strong motivator.

Want to get to know me a little better? Here are some of my favorite books (or at least the first ones that popped into my mind). Enjoy.

Stay tuned for Part 2! And if you are still with me, let me know what you like to read or how you balance your time, I would love any suggestions I can get.

The most technologically efficient machine that man has ever invented is the book.

-Nathan Frye

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