Category Archives: Humor

The Incredibly Heartbreaking Story of How I Came By My First Skein of Malabrigo


Has there every been a time in your life that you really, truly wished there were hidden cameras recording the moment for posterity? Well on January 29th such a day happened to me at my new Local Yarn Store. I want to share with you the story as close to verbatim as I can, because the incredible oddness of it was blessedly unique.

~Setting the Stage~

I was sitting at a long table at the front of the shop. I had come in for a bar of Lo-lo to Go (which was 75% off) but remained lingering – throughly content to fondle the yarn and work on my pattern.

A woman comes in through the back entrance with a cake of (yummy) yarn in her hand. The weather is crummy, we are actually just a few hours from getting 10.5″ of more snow and she was obviously in a hurry. Here is the conversations that ensued. 

  • Woman: I would like to return this please. I don’t have the tags but I remember what it is and I should be in your system.
  • Clerk: I am so sorry but we cannot accept returns on yarn that has been caked.
  • Woman: ….
  • Clerk:  I wish that there was something I could do but there is no way to inventory it.
  • Woman: ….
  • Clerk: If you’d like I can suggest a pattern for you to…
  • Woman: I only buy one project worth of yarn at a time and I decided not to do a project with sock yarn. I am going to use worsted yarn, so I cannot use this.
  • Clerk: (makes desperate eye contact with yours truly) I am sure that we can modify the pattern you are doing so you can use sock yarn. Let me have a look, Rachel – what do you think.
  • Me: I love modifying things!

I walk over to the checkout counter and the strap on my purse breaks, spilling the contents of my purse all over the floor. I laugh but the woman is looking at me strangely, strangely enough that it actually makes  me nervous. The clerk is pulling up the pattern on Ravelry when the woman turns her full attention to me….

  • Woman: What’s your name?
  • Me: Rachel, what’s yo….(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you have a stash?
  • Me: Um, yes I d…(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you knit with sock yarn?
  • Me: Yes. (I have temporarily given up on more than one word answers)
  • Woman: Do you like this yarn?
  • Me: Yes, it’s lovel….(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you have a project that could use this yarn to the best of it’s abilities?
  • Me: Um…
  • Woman: A pattern. Do you have one planned?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Woman: What is it?
  • Me: The Hogwarts Express Shawl
  • Woman: And who is it by?
  • Me: Susan Ashcroft.
  • Woman: When did you buy the pattern?
  • Me: I didn’t. It was a gift for my birthday from a very dear f….(cut off).
  • Woman: When was your birthday?
  • Me: December 27th…? (at this point I wasn’t sure)
  • Woman: Let me see your queue.

At this point the store clerk is staring at me with open mouth amazement. She hands me her iPad and I pull up my queue. There was the message from my gifter and the pattern.

  • Woman: Here you are. (She’s handing me the freaking cake)
  • Me: I cannot just take this, at least let me buy your worsted yarn (I didn’t have the money for this, but I was flummoxed and I did owe her one).
  • Woman: Do I look poor to you?
  • Me: Uhhh…No. (she didn’t – but then neither do I)
  • Woman: I can afford my own yarn thank you. Here are the specifications on the yarn (she pulls a scrap of paper out of her purse). Just do me a favor.
  • Me: Uhh….anything!
  • Woman: Let this be your next finished project. Go home and cast it on, and use it. I hate languishing yarn.
  • Me: Okay…

At this point she turns back to the befuddled store clerk and lists, which such precise clarity the yarn brand/weight/name/quantity that she needs. The clerk all but runs away to go get the items the woman asked for, leaving me alone with the woman. I was planning on thanking her again and giving her my Ravelry name so she could see the FO when she said….

  • Woman: My daughter was on Xanax.

I am confused, then I realize that when my purse spilled open my own anti-anxiety medication bottle fell out of my purse – she must have seen it.

  • Woman: She committed suicide several years ago when she quit taking her medicine. She lost her job and lost interest in everything she did – I didn’t notice.
  • Me: I am so sorry….
  • Woman: Can you do me one more favor?
  • Me: Anything.
  • Woman: Tell the people you love to pay attention if you cannot list, on the spot, something you are passionate about. To pay attention if you quit doing something you so obviously love. Tell them to pay attention.
  • Me: I promise.

Friends and neighbors, thank you for letting me share this story.

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The Scarf That Had Identity Issues – Free Pattern!


  • Written by: Rachel Folk (kinda)
  • Editing and Written Pattern by: Trevor Folk

So I showed progress on this scarf…um…last week? Anyway, the more I worked on it the bigger it got. I know, I know – it’s supposed to get bigger but this scarf seemed to get wider as well.

This is how it started:

So Far...

So Far…

And THIS is how it ended:

Chilling on my couch.

Chilling on my couch.

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Yowzer boss!

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Max’s Front Window Perch

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Yup. It’s THAT big!

By the time I bound off I didn’t know if it was 1) a scarf 2) a table runner or 3) a decorative couch cover. It was gorgeous by they way ( I used two strands of Caron Simply Soft in Pagoda) and I was really enjoying looking at it on the back of my couch.

Luckily my Mom fixed the situation by calling it a “drape” and took it quite literally off my hands. She had it in her car so fast I didn’t even get a picture of her wearing it. She has pure black hair (and since her hair color is real she has natural blue highlights) and it looked stunning on her – I should have gotten a picture dagnabbit!

I thought about seeing if I could actually sell a pattern, but since I can’t seem to work out the logistics of sizing I will share it for free. Knit at your will, sell the completed projects on Etsy – I don’t really care. I figure the pattern deserves to be out in the knitting universe.

** The Pattern **

  • Needles: Size 15US (10mm) Straight Needles
  • Yarn: 2 Packages of Caron Simply Soft in Pagoda (2 strands necessary if you are hoping to achieve thickness) – (why does everything knitting related sound so dirty?- TF)

Cast On 36 Stitches

Set Up: Knit Four (4) Rows Seed Stitch.

  • Row 1: K1, P1, K1, P1. Knit to last Four (4) stitches. K1, P1, K1, P1
  • Row 2 and all Even/Wrong Side Rows: P1, K1, P1, K1. Purl to last Four (4) stitches. P1, K1, P1, K1
  • Row 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11: K1, P1, K1, P1, K1; *K2, SSK, K2TOG, K4, (YO, K1)twice *;  repeat from * to last Seven (7) stitches. K4, P1, K1, P1
  • Row 13: REPEAT ROW ONE (1).
  • Row 15, 17, 19, 21, 23: K1, P1, K1, P1, K1; *K3, YO, K1, YO, K4, SSK, K2TOG *; repeat from * to last Seven (7) stitches; K4, P1, K1, P1
  • Row 24: REPEAT ROW TW0 (2)

Repeat rows 1-24 until desired length (Rachel went till she was almost out of yarn and cursing -TF). Do Four (4) rows of seed stitch and BO (bowl obstruction? -TF) loosely. 

******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** *

So there you have it friends and neighbors, from my noggin to yours. I want to give a big round of applause for my husband who is putting up with me. (You’re welcome -TF). I also wanted to add that I am reading all of your wonderful posts but not commenting as much as I would like. No worries, Dragon Speak will be back eventually. I hope you like the pattern, it is the very least I can do to share because all of your blogs are making me a better knitter, spinner, crocheter and person.

Man that was cheesy – I’m out. 🙂 (Do people still say “I’m out?”. -TF)

OH NO-es Bleed :(


There was a moment to absolute, poignant sadness in my household this week – and that is when a nosebleed undid hours and hours of lace and bead work. Sounds dramatic doesn’t it? Well, it was…darn it!

Since typing is a pain (literally and figuratively) I shall tell the story in pictures.

What it looks like finished - photo courtesy of  teresat2 on Flickr

What it looks like finished – photo courtesy of teresat2 on Flickr

I saw the design of the Fiori Autunnali by Romi Hill and enrolled in the Craftsy class.

Bellybutton Cast On - Done!

Bellybutton Cast On – Done!

So I casted on using the bellybutton cast on that Romi Hill teaches in the class, I love learning new things.

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Without ruining the secret sauce of the project, this was the end of chart A and the beginning of the most complicated lace I’ve tried so far.

Yes. I am scared to take off the belly button cast on.

Yes. I am scared to take off the belly button cast on.

It was going so beautifully, it was lovely and sparkly and the pattern was super simple to work with. I couldn’t believe that I was scared of it, Rosemary Hill has created the easiest, user-friendly pattern I’ve ever done.

********************

BRACE YOURSELF

*******************

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Ripped off the needles and hiding the blood….

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Beads cut (oh my, yes, I cut) off the work and re-strung – ready to start again.

Working in a re-circulated air workplace makes for a dry nose, and if you are prone to nosebleeds (I am, obviously) you are a little…how to put this delicately…screwed. One sneeze and I had bled on my lace, my cat, my couch and 65 rows of knitting were undone.

******** ********* ********** ************ ************ ***************

No worries though friends and neighbors, I re-casted on my lace and have already finished chart A. I have installed lifelines, highlighted my chart and coated my nose with Neosporin. Once I get a better picture of progress I will share.

So I would like to know, if you would like to share, what is the weirdest thing that has caused a knitting disaster? Nosebleeds, tiny questing fingers, pets or mother nature – anything goes and I would love to hear about it. Continue reading

October #yarnpadc


Okay, keep in mind that I am at work and have NO idea how to link or do anything like that in my iPod.

So The Knitterly Hooker had a post today for October’s yarn picture a day contest and I’m totally going for it.

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Luckily I took a pic before I left today to send to the lovely lady I am making this for do I am good to go! Join in, follow at #yarnpadc on Instagram, Tumblr or Twitter. Here’s to making it through the month!

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Day one – On the Needles – complete!

There is Always Time for a Quickie….


Post! Your dirty minds should have seen that coming a mile away! 😉

I cannot believe I have somehow managed to neglect my blog for a week and a half – it this blog was a child the state would be involved. There was drama but frankly I am just not in the mood to dissect all of it at the moment (or ever). Not to mention the fact that whenever I go near my computer I am bombarded with all the things that need to be done of the silly machine like:

  • Making new business cards.
  • Making care instructions for all the new knits.
  • Updating my Ravelry page.
  • Updating my Etsy page.
  • Replying to a million emails I would rather avoid (the ones I want to respond to I try to do in a more timely fashion).
  • and of course…Updating my blog.

It’s been a bit of a struggle since I’ve been on a ruffle scarf binge again. I wanted to be able to buy a pair of needles for the Katniss Cowl. I got the needles but managed to much up the pattern so badly that I am seriously considering just doing it all over again – I owe it to my niece  and more importantly I owe it to Lolly over at Lolly Knits. Silly genius made me a perfect pattern and I’ve mucked it up.

Let’s talk about what the hell I’ve been up to – if you’d like to, of course.

** BOOKS **

  • I read Delirium to see if it would be something Gloria would be interested in, since I have heard such wonderful things about Before I Fall. The whole romance thing is something she wouldn’t be interested in and I found it a bit lacking, especially since reading quite a bit of really good YA fiction. If this can count as a review here it is – this book is the first in a trilogy and I haven’t bought any of the other books yet. Enough said.
  • The End of Your Life Book Club was…Amazing. It is one of those that after you finish reading you almost cannot start a new book, it feels too close to cheating. I love this book, and if you are a lover of books, reading, family and life then seriously go find a copy.
  • I am so glad I am almost done with The Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club – it’s bloody awful! Set outside of London the completely formulaic story may not have sucked that bad if the author would capitalize ever-single-solitary word she wants to emphasize. Every time I saw something Capitalized it took me right out of the story.

** MUSIC **

I could try to explain why I love this music but eh, I just wanna share what I’ve been listening to. Here is Imagine Dragons Radioactive though, the music video is painfully stupid but if you just listen to the song it’s all good!

** KNITTING AWARDS **

The lovely bloggers who’ve nominated me for these wonderful awards deserve a proper “Thank You” shout out, which I will put in the Award section on the upper part of my blog. But if I blog it here their blogs might get read twice!

Go check out some amazing blogs and keep posted for their long overdue tributes on the Awards section of the blog.

** KNITTING **

  • The Reversible Cabled Scarf was a stash-buster which made me so utterly happy that I made two. I found it on Ravelry originally, but when I went to find the link it’s gone. I remember it was free though so if you have an interest lemme know.
  • The Herringbone Stitch cowl is made with the same roving yarn was the cabled scarves, in honor of Lolly and her Katniss Cowl pattern. Plus, I wanted the yarn out of my stash.
  • The cowl was a purchased pattern from my LYS and it turned out amazing! And yes, I did find another WIP in the bottom of my bag – it’s like Mary Poppins’ freaking knitting bag!
  • The baby hat was from Itty-Bitty Knits with a few alterations on my part, when the I-cord is place I will get a proper picture. I am pretty sure it is going to be adorable.

** THE END CREDITS **

If you’ve made it through my ramblings good for you because I don’t think I could! I can’t wait to get down and dirty with the Knit Along details, get some more knitting under my belt and do Lolly some justice with that cowl. You know, if I didn’t have a full-time job I could get a lot more done! 😉 Well Friends and Neighbors, hope all is well, cannot wait to catch up with all of you and hope to hear from you soon!

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This is the scolding look I get from Max when I don’t blog enough. Scary, isn’t it?

Breaking the Ruffle Scarf Diet


I broke my ruffle yarn diet after I hit 100. Yuppers friends and neighbors, this girl right here has made 100 ruffle scarves – and all but 7 are sold! There are still orders for 5 more and I am waiting to hear back from a few groups, but I have decided to put them aside for a bit. Here’s how it happened….

** The Break-Up **

I awoke to Trevor and Gloria unfurling ruffle scarf yarn for me on Saturday. I am not ashamed to admit that I teared up looking at the two of them pondering the inner-workings of the complicated yarn, as if it was an awesome mind puzzle. I can knit the scarf in less than an hour if I don’t have to pull apart the yarn so this saves me a ton of time! I decided right there and then that I was going to take a break, I was going to be able to knit them so much quicker that it was time to do what I was dying to do. I guess you could say the ruffles and I are on a break.

So I got up my needles and made three baby hats!

I have a love/hate with making baby things – I am choosing to look at the love part at the moment. The hats are adorable and they knit up so quickly. Working with circular needles, heaven! I was going through all my baby patterns trying to find my next thing to conquer when something changed…..

** The Email **

So this morning I received an email from Lolly over at Lolly Knits and (take a deep breath) it was the Katniss Catching Fire pattern! If you are new to this blog or didn’t read the post, I made a desperate call to anyone that could help me figure out how to make this for my niece. She did it and it is fabulous! I was so excited that I printed out the pattern, got in the car and bought everything I would need to make it.

I got home in a mad flurry, rushing around trying to plan how to make this as quickly as possible when I saw my loving hubby shooting me the stink-eye. When I asked what was wrong he said ” you have so many things started and you haven’t finished them”. I tried to explain that I was NOT a monogamous knitter and that I just had to make this Katniss Cowl right now! Trevor being the sage that he is proposed something then….

“Why not use the pattern as a way to motivate you to finish started projects?”

Well that adorable butt-head had a point, and I’ve started to run with it.

** So Much to Do. So Little Time (and Patients) **

So I sat down and looked at my UFOs, and tonight I finished my super thick, warm and comfy scarf.

I have quite a few other things on my list to do before I get to knit the cowl, but with the motivation instilled in me by Trevor I am hoping to plow through them. Imagine, an empty UFO basket! It won’t last but I am going to run with it!

** UFOs Begging to be Finished **

I think that is all of them (oh God PLEASE let that be all of them!!!!)

** For Your Viewing Pleasure **

Well friend and neighbors, you’ve made it through my rants and my newest goals. Coming soon to a computer near you will be a segments on: What I am Drooling Over on Ravelry and if I can manage it Interviews with Bloggers. Until then, here are some super adorable pictures!

Have a great Wednesday!

Too Funny Not to Share


A little giggle is good for your health! 😉

Oh – and don’t forget to PARTICIPATE IN THE GIVEAWAY!!

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