Tag Archives: funny

The Incredibly Heartbreaking Story of How I Came By My First Skein of Malabrigo


Has there every been a time in your life that you really, truly wished there were hidden cameras recording the moment for posterity? Well on January 29th such a day happened to me at my new Local Yarn Store. I want to share with you the story as close to verbatim as I can, because the incredible oddness of it was blessedly unique.

~Setting the Stage~

I was sitting at a long table at the front of the shop. I had come in for a bar of Lo-lo to Go (which was 75% off) but remained lingering – throughly content to fondle the yarn and work on my pattern.

A woman comes in through the back entrance with a cake of (yummy) yarn in her hand. The weather is crummy, we are actually just a few hours from getting 10.5″ of more snow and she was obviously in a hurry. Here is the conversations that ensued. 

  • Woman: I would like to return this please. I don’t have the tags but I remember what it is and I should be in your system.
  • Clerk: I am so sorry but we cannot accept returns on yarn that has been caked.
  • Woman: ….
  • Clerk:  I wish that there was something I could do but there is no way to inventory it.
  • Woman: ….
  • Clerk: If you’d like I can suggest a pattern for you to…
  • Woman: I only buy one project worth of yarn at a time and I decided not to do a project with sock yarn. I am going to use worsted yarn, so I cannot use this.
  • Clerk: (makes desperate eye contact with yours truly) I am sure that we can modify the pattern you are doing so you can use sock yarn. Let me have a look, Rachel – what do you think.
  • Me: I love modifying things!

I walk over to the checkout counter and the strap on my purse breaks, spilling the contents of my purse all over the floor. I laugh but the woman is looking at me strangely, strangely enough that it actually makes  me nervous. The clerk is pulling up the pattern on Ravelry when the woman turns her full attention to me….

  • Woman: What’s your name?
  • Me: Rachel, what’s yo….(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you have a stash?
  • Me: Um, yes I d…(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you knit with sock yarn?
  • Me: Yes. (I have temporarily given up on more than one word answers)
  • Woman: Do you like this yarn?
  • Me: Yes, it’s lovel….(cut off)
  • Woman: Do you have a project that could use this yarn to the best of it’s abilities?
  • Me: Um…
  • Woman: A pattern. Do you have one planned?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Woman: What is it?
  • Me: The Hogwarts Express Shawl
  • Woman: And who is it by?
  • Me: Susan Ashcroft.
  • Woman: When did you buy the pattern?
  • Me: I didn’t. It was a gift for my birthday from a very dear f….(cut off).
  • Woman: When was your birthday?
  • Me: December 27th…? (at this point I wasn’t sure)
  • Woman: Let me see your queue.

At this point the store clerk is staring at me with open mouth amazement. She hands me her iPad and I pull up my queue. There was the message from my gifter and the pattern.

  • Woman: Here you are. (She’s handing me the freaking cake)
  • Me: I cannot just take this, at least let me buy your worsted yarn (I didn’t have the money for this, but I was flummoxed and I did owe her one).
  • Woman: Do I look poor to you?
  • Me: Uhhh…No. (she didn’t – but then neither do I)
  • Woman: I can afford my own yarn thank you. Here are the specifications on the yarn (she pulls a scrap of paper out of her purse). Just do me a favor.
  • Me: Uhh….anything!
  • Woman: Let this be your next finished project. Go home and cast it on, and use it. I hate languishing yarn.
  • Me: Okay…

At this point she turns back to the befuddled store clerk and lists, which such precise clarity the yarn brand/weight/name/quantity that she needs. The clerk all but runs away to go get the items the woman asked for, leaving me alone with the woman. I was planning on thanking her again and giving her my Ravelry name so she could see the FO when she said….

  • Woman: My daughter was on Xanax.

I am confused, then I realize that when my purse spilled open my own anti-anxiety medication bottle fell out of my purse – she must have seen it.

  • Woman: She committed suicide several years ago when she quit taking her medicine. She lost her job and lost interest in everything she did – I didn’t notice.
  • Me: I am so sorry….
  • Woman: Can you do me one more favor?
  • Me: Anything.
  • Woman: Tell the people you love to pay attention if you cannot list, on the spot, something you are passionate about. To pay attention if you quit doing something you so obviously love. Tell them to pay attention.
  • Me: I promise.

Friends and neighbors, thank you for letting me share this story.

Advertisements

My First Real Big, Bad Frogging Experience


If you’ve perused this blog lately, this photo may look familiar to you. . . .

20131004-052842.jpgNice huh? Well, not anymore!

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

The brioche stitch is something I have never done before, so of course I thought I would try it for the custom order. I am looking at this particular order as a great learning experience, so why not try something new…and throw in a cable…and use two strands of yarn…

This is not easy, I am not sure why but it just isn’t. The pattern base is set up knitting the first and last stitch and in-between knitting (sl1, yo, k2tog). This shouldn’t be difficult, but for some reason I was dropping stitches left and right and then left again. I threw in a lifeline and thought “Hey! We’re in business!”

I had almost five feet (yes – 5 feet…:() when my lifeline broke while I was working a cable. I spent about…oh, I dunno, 2 hours wrestling with trying to get it back on the needles. I loved the look, I loved feel and I didn’t want to let it go. It was the moment I accepted defeat that I pulled out my niddy-noddy and used it for something that just shattered my knitting soul.

10092860745_fc80d50bcfAnd so I frogged two days and five feet of work. I didn’t shed a tear – but I cursed like a drunk sailer on leave discovering they’ve landed in a place with no women. I am re-knitting the yarn in a straight brioche to get the rhythm of it, then I am going back to this pattern and I am going to knit the (censored) out of it!

I do want to share, in my defense, the factors that may have contributed to the utter failure of this scarf:

  1. I was using two strands held together for thickness.
  2. The two strands are acrylic (as asked for by the customer – sever allergies).
  3. My cable needle was too small to hold all those stitches.
  4. I was using plastic needles, so everything was slippery – and NOT in a good way.
  5. I used a frayed piece of leftover yarn as my lifeline.
  6. I bit off more than I could chew.

So I’ve learned my lesson friends and neighbors, don’t knit off more than you can chew. Ambition and learning is great don’t get me wrong, but some times you have to start at the very beginning to get a handle on it. Has this every happened to you? Have you tried to skip the necessary learning steps and made a massive mistake? Or on the way more optimistic hand did it work for you?

Cannot wait to hear from you, and thanks for reading – it still blows my mind that you do! 🙂

Too Funny Not to Share


A little giggle is good for your health! 😉

Oh – and don’t forget to PARTICIPATE IN THE GIVEAWAY!!

20130814-185713.jpg

image

Two Firsts for Me!


When I am bummed out about my hand I watch movie trailers – it takes me to my happy place which is a very, very good thing. The Wolves of Wall Street Trailer is my new favorite – I am literally vibrating with anticipation to see this movie. Enjoy the GIF. Enjoy the Trailer. Enjoy your day because there is a lot going down tomorrow.

Not really, just loads of photos if Flickr ever comes back up!

THE PHOTO! Totally NSFW or Small Children :)


Well, there is a solution to the conundrum of the Naughty Picture!

Click at Your Own Risk!

Click at Your Own Risk!

→ Click Here or on the Photo Above To See For Yourselves! ←

Two for One Special! Stitch Patterns for Week’s 16 & 17


Hello friends and neighbors. Before I get started I just want to apologize for just now getting back to all your wonderful comments – I fear I am being a bit neglectful of my blog lately. With the unplanned vacation, even more unplanned flood and my Mom and Dad’s 30th anniversary party I am being pulled in a million directions. This being said, as soon as I get this post up I am going to spend some quality time with you and your posts. Just please don’t lose hope, the party is over on the 16th and things should be back to normal by then.

Okay, enough begging for your patience (by the way, pretty please?!). It is time to see what GG has been doing to me these past two weeks. So, with no further adieu we have stitch patterns for week 16 and 17! Enjoy!

♥ Week 16 – Let’s Call it the Picnic Blanket Stitch 

Full Size at an Angle.

Full Size at an Angle.

Something I have noticed about my great-grandmother is that she dealt almost entirely with knit and purl stitches. There are the occasional cables, but not many. I have to say this is giving me a new appreciation of the basics. Now, let’s see about this pattern shall we?

Needles: Size 5 US (3.75mm)
Yarn: Bernat 100% Cotton in Coral
Stitches: (I think, this is guess-work here) Multiple of 5+4 stitches. I also do 2 stitches on each             edge so it’ll lay straight.

  • 1k – Row 1: Knit (Gotcha, good good!)
  • 2p4and kp4 – Row 2: P4, *K1, P4* rep. till end of row (Not sure I’ve seen the “and” before, so this ended up getting frogged once before I got it).
  • 4p4k1p4 : Row 4: *P4, K1, P4* rep till end (Um…guys? What happened to the rest of the rows?)
  • Okay, so this is also where some guess-work and frogging occurred. I figured if she didn’t write it then it had to be knit. If there was a change on row 4 then there would have to be two rows knit after it for symmetry (I tried 5 rows but it looked wonky). So this is the actual pattern down yonder ↓ in a pretty blue color.
  • Row 1, 3, 5 and 6: Knit
  • Row 2: P4, *K1, P4* rep. till end of row.
  • Row 4: *P4, K1, P4* rep till end of row.

 

This pattern was a bit like playing a knitting detective, which makes me feel (goofily) like a knitting super hero. Goofy? Oh, yes. Definitely. I just wondered if she only knitted it once or she just knew that it had to be a repeat of 6 rows. So many unanswered questions. Anyway, ONWARD!

 ♥♥ Stitch Pattern Week 17 – The…Morse Code Stitch? 

Full On

Full On

– Needles – Size 5US (3.75mm)
– Yarn – Bernat 100% Cotton in Coral
– Stitches – Multiple of 10 + 4 stitches  (Totally sure about this one :)) 8 row repeat.

  • 1k – Row 1: Knit
  • p – Row 2: Purl (Okay, no more numbers – she has a way doesn’t she?)
  • 1 – Row 3: Knit (Really? Somewhere this old bag is laughing at me, I just know it!)
  • 4p4 and k6p4 – Row 4: P4, *K6, P4*. Rep. *to* till end of row. (Well, at least the numbers showed up again. How kind!)
  • k – Row 5: Knit (AND there gone again….curious).
  • p – Row 6: Purl
  • k – Row  7: Knit ( I should add here that at least this pattern was written vertically, so at least there was some actual separation of the rows. It is rare in here writing, but it was also written on the back of a doctor’s business card – so maybe it was a space thing).
  • k3k1p4k4 – Row 8: K4, *K1, P4, K5*. Rep. till end of row (Did you notice that the K3 was wrong? Well I sure didn’t…frogged twice before simple math made me feel like a simpleton. As long as the pattern gets done who cares right?).

Well, that’s about all for me tonight folks. Now it is time to catch up with my blogging family – make sure you guys haven’t been up to any shenanigans! One more thing to leave on tonight though…Have you ever tried to get a good picture of you knitting only to be foiled by the light? Well, taking a pair of knitting needles, a hair tie and a pocket light stabbed into the couch might work! Think I am kidding? Well, at least the couch is old! 🙂

Knitting Needles, a Hair Tie and a Pocket Light stabbed into the Couch.

Knitting Needles, a Hair Tie and a Pocket Light stabbed into the Couch.

In Which I See My Neighbors Having….Relations


The night had been so calm after the storms passed. The heat no longer felt like a wet blanket clinging to your skin and the stars were out. Despite my general dislike of moths, I decided to hobble my way to our back yard, turned on the back light and picked up my book.

I was settling into the familiar feel of the chaise lounge, allowing for the pillows beneath my injured appendage to conform to the massive boot when I heard a party across the way. Oh well, it is Friday after all and let it slip my mind. The book was captivating, I was totally lost in the world created for me by the author that I didn’t notice the back door opening across the way. If anything, I considered having the flood light on to be a good indicator of my presence outside – I was most definitely not out to snoop or spy, you need two working feet for that.

It was only a few moments later after lifting my eyes in search of my sweet tea that I noticed my neighbors…how to put this politely…bumping uglies. Yes friends and neighbors, my neighbors were going at it like bunnies on ecstasy. Immediately the blood shot to my face “good God, is this happening?”. It was. I really was. Neither of them under 300 pounds (not that size matters,except for the fact the noise they created on the squeaky chair – which was abandoned for the ground in quick order – was unbearably laughable) it was not something I had planned on seeing – I needed to get away.

Now, making  quick exit when your foot is (maybe) broken is not really an option, but the flood light was on and when they realized they had been seen…well…I couldn’t fathom their embarrassment. Ever so slowly I ninja-rolled off the chaise and on to all fours in a vain attempt to be stealthy – probably should have accounted for the fact that my book would hit the ground with a meat thwack! sound that would have scared birds. To make matters worse the noise, which was quite startling over the noise of the couple very verbally praising each others skills, caused me to jerk my head – thus spilling the remainder of my sweet tea all over my head.

It was at this point, on all fours and drenched in sweet tea surrounded by the echoing “oh God’s” and “Oh yes'” and “right there’s” and (horribly) “no, with your finger” that I started laughing. I don’t mean a giggle, don’t get that impression. This was a full body hee-hawing, explosive laughter that erupted from my diaphragm and, in fact, actually scared a bird.

Being found out was painful for my neighbors, they scurried (as quickly as they could) from the ground and ran inside where the party was still going strong. Did I mention they were still butt-naked and covered in grass stains? Well, they were.

Now, safely inside and clean from the shower all I can do is think “Wow, I should never venture outside when I cannot make a quick escape”.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS!