Slouchy Hats & My Happy Places

Sometimes I search out comfort, things that resonate in my mind as safe and inviting. Tea with orange blossom honey, my grandmother’s lemon meringue pie or even better, a good book.

There are some books that just holding them brings back a flood of memories and a sensation of falling into a time when life was just less complicated. The Flame and the Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss was the first romance book I ever read and it was enjoyed by the fireplace because we had lost power to the blizzard that took over the entire midwest that year. Perfect setting for romance I might add. When my grandfather was dying, I turned to The Stand by Stephen King. It may seem an odd choice, it’s content largely based around life and death, but the characters being so rich, so familiar brought ease to my troubled mind.

Certain things just bring us back to a place where we can be fearless, where we can handle anything. I am a lucky girl, because I can add knitting to the list of happy places.

My Happy Place Hat

For the life of me, I have no idea where this pattern came from. I have looked through all my books, magazines and scoured knitting websites looking for its origin. All I have is a pattern my scrawl to go by – Bonus for you because I am going to put it at the bottom of the page though!

This was the first hat I made in the round, the first project that had cables in it and the knitted object I have made the most. I have made dozens of these hats, they fly off my needles and into my friends and families hands like hotcakes. Even my niece wanted her own, which made me giddy. So, when I am stressed or need to feel like a superhero, I do this pattern.

As an added bonus to saving time knitting, I spent more time with Photoshop than I think is healthy. I have all the books I can handle and have been playing around with it all night. So you get to see the fruits of my labor, misguided and goofy as they may be. This is the best way to learn I suppose, trying things over and over till you feel you got it down. I am most certainly not there yet, but hey….step in the right direction.

Full Frontal

Full Frontal – Edited

Close Up Top

Close Up Top – Edited

Left Side

Left Side – Edited

Close Up Back

Close Up Back -Edited

Right Side

Slouchy Beret

Sure, it’s amateur hour here at All Night Knits but who cares? It was fun to play around with the filters, concentrations, hues, saturation, blah blah blah…yada yada yada. I was working my way through an instructional book and it built up my confidence – a bit. Either way, it feel like a step in the right direction

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The Pattern

(If you find this pattern’s origin, please contact me and let me know. I want to acknowledge its creator and thank them for years of fantastic knitting!)

Needles: Sizes 9US and 11US

Yarn: Worsted

The Cables: C3 over 3 Left: Slip 3 Sts. onto cable needle, hold in back, K3, K3 from cable needle.        C3 over3 Right: Slip 3 Sts. onto cable needle, hold in front, K3, K3 from cable needle.

With size 9 Needles, Cast on 72 Stitches (long tail cast on). Join in the round and Place stitch marker.

Knit 5 rows in 1by 1 (K1,P1) .

Change to size 11 Needles and work cable pattern as follows:

-Rounds 1-4, 6-10 and 12: Knit

-Round 5: *C3 over 3 Left, K3. Repeat from * till end of round.

-Round 11: * K3, C3 over 3 Right. Repeat from * till end of round.

Work rounds 1-12 1(one) time as written above.

-Next round (increasing round): *K2, M1. Repeat from * to end of round.

-Work rows 2-12 of cable pattern one time, then work rows 1-6 one time.

-Next round Being Decreasing: *K7, K2tog, K7, SSK. Repeat from * to end of round.

-Next round: *K6, K2tog, K6, SSK. Repeat from * to end of round.

-Next round: *K5, K2tog, K5, SSK. Repeat from * to end of round.

– Next round: Work row 11 from Cable Pattern the work one round even.

-Next round: K10, K2tog till end of round.

-Next round: K9, K2tog till end of round.

-Next round: K8, K2tog till end of round

-Next round: K7, K2tog till end of round.

Continue in this manner decreasing your knit stitches by one until you K2tog across the round, Leaving you with 6 sts.

Cut a long tail and weave through live stitches twice. Pull tight and weave in the ends.

Block lightly over a plate or pie tin by lightly misting the hat.

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So there it is friends and neighbors, I hope you enjoy the pattern as much as I did. I wonder, is there anyone out there reading this that has a happy place? Found in either a place, food, book, pattern or the multitude of things I didn’t list? Please share if you would like to, I would love to listen!

Please Don’t Tell Me What I Cannot Do

To Those Who Doubt Me,

Please, do not tell me what I cannot do. There are millions of things that are worse than an arthritic hand, a hand with only a thumb and pointer finger that are fully functional. Or the wee little panic monster living in my brain, you learn to live with OCD just like you would live with any chemical imbalance; one day at a time. Look around you; you never have to look very hard or very long to find something worse. I consider myself lucky in that respect.

If I want to mow my parents lawn as well as their next door neighbors – whose grandchild is dying in Children’s Hospital- please don’t tell me I cannot do this. I can tie a twisty tie around the power mower lever and push with my palms. I can rest for ten minutes here and there and elevated the swollen, screaming appendage then continue the task at hand (no pun intended, although it is a good one). Real pain is having a mother whose lungs will not allow her to do the yard work she has always loved, or losing a grandchild whose heart has given it up as a bad job.

If I want to clean my neighbor’s house to prepare for the impending arrival of their first child, please do not tell me I cannot do this. This is may seem like a double no-no for someone struggling with infertility, multiple miscarriages, and OCD that gets set off at the drop of a hat around baby items. It may seem a no-no situation to avoid the panic monster living in my brain, that little bastard and I have learned to live together, he won’t stop me from helping a friend when they need it. If I can survive the war in my brain knitting their baby blanket, so soft and sweet and utterly heartbreaking then my hand and brain can handle Windex and Pledge just fine.

If I want to for hours on end, please do not tell me I cannot do this. There are compression gloves – both those you can find in craft stores and the more sophisticated versions that specialist create for loads of money – that can pull the swelling from my abused joints. There is Advil, Tylenol, ice and heat to sooth the pain and malicious looking bruising. I don’t mind the dusky purple color my hand takes on, I choose to look at my hand and it’s odd coloring as a sign that another day has gone by and I have not let my life be dictated by something beyond my control.

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I am not mad. I know you worry because you care.

I am not depressed. I know your concerns about the overwhelming emotions brought on by being surrounded by baby items with no baby of our own are painful, but hiding from them would be far more detrimental.

I will not be deterred. If I decided to stop living my life and doing the things I love for fear of pain, that would not be living. Life can be painful, usually is to be honest. It is how we choose to go about our pain that makes us who we are. I am choosing to be someone who will not be defined by a hand injury, I am not making it any worse doing these things, just opting to live with what I’ve got to work with. I will not be defined by the fact that I cannot have the child that I so desperately want. My heart may feel like it is breaking on a daily basis but to ignore or neglect all those whose bodies will allow them to make a new life would be selfish, inconsiderate and destroy that happier parts of myself. Family is, after all, what you make of it.

So please, take heart that I know my limitations, that I know how to live my life to the fullest and embrace the things that make me the happiest even if I get a wee bit teary here and there. And please – Don’t Tell Me What I Cannot Do.