The Incredibly Heartbreaking Story of How I Came By My First Skein of Malabrigo

Has there every been a time in your life that you really, truly wished there were hidden cameras recording the moment for posterity? Well on January 29th such a day happened to me at my new Local Yarn Store. I want to share with you the story as close to verbatim as I can, because the incredible oddness of it was blessedly unique.

~Setting the Stage~

I was sitting at a long table at the front of the shop. I had come in for a bar of Lo-lo to Go (which was 75% off) but remained lingering – throughly content to fondle the yarn and work on my pattern.

A woman comes in through the back entrance with a cake of (yummy) yarn in her hand. The weather is crummy, we are actually just a few hours from getting 10.5″ of more snow and she was obviously in a hurry. Here is the conversations that ensued. 

• Woman: I would like to return this please. I don’t have the tags but I remember what it is and I should be in your system.
• Clerk: I am so sorry but we cannot accept returns on yarn that has been caked.
• Woman: ….
• Clerk:  I wish that there was something I could do but there is no way to inventory it.
• Woman: ….
• Clerk: If you’d like I can suggest a pattern for you to…
• Woman: I only buy one project worth of yarn at a time and I decided not to do a project with sock yarn. I am going to use worsted yarn, so I cannot use this.
• Clerk: (makes desperate eye contact with yours truly) I am sure that we can modify the pattern you are doing so you can use sock yarn. Let me have a look, Rachel – what do you think.
• Me: I love modifying things!

I walk over to the checkout counter and the strap on my purse breaks, spilling the contents of my purse all over the floor. I laugh but the woman is looking at me strangely, strangely enough that it actually makes  me nervous. The clerk is pulling up the pattern on Ravelry when the woman turns her full attention to me….

• Woman: What’s your name?
• Me: Rachel, what’s yo….(cut off)
• Woman: Do you have a stash?
• Me: Um, yes I d…(cut off)
• Woman: Do you knit with sock yarn?
• Me: Yes. (I have temporarily given up on more than one word answers)
• Woman: Do you like this yarn?
• Me: Yes, it’s lovel….(cut off)
• Woman: Do you have a project that could use this yarn to the best of it’s abilities?
• Me: Um…
• Woman: A pattern. Do you have one planned?
• Me: Yes.
• Woman: What is it?
• Me: The Hogwarts Express Shawl
• Woman: And who is it by?
• Me: Susan Ashcroft.
• Woman: When did you buy the pattern?
• Me: I didn’t. It was a gift for my birthday from a very dear f….(cut off).
• Woman: When was your birthday?
• Me: December 27th…? (at this point I wasn’t sure)
• Woman: Let me see your queue.

At this point the store clerk is staring at me with open mouth amazement. She hands me her iPad and I pull up my queue. There was the message from my gifter and the pattern.

• Woman: Here you are. (She’s handing me the freaking cake)
• Me: I cannot just take this, at least let me buy your worsted yarn (I didn’t have the money for this, but I was flummoxed and I did owe her one).
• Woman: Do I look poor to you?
• Me: Uhhh…No. (she didn’t – but then neither do I)
• Woman: I can afford my own yarn thank you. Here are the specifications on the yarn (she pulls a scrap of paper out of her purse). Just do me a favor.
• Me: Uhh….anything!
• Woman: Let this be your next finished project. Go home and cast it on, and use it. I hate languishing yarn.
• Me: Okay…

At this point she turns back to the befuddled store clerk and lists, which such precise clarity the yarn brand/weight/name/quantity that she needs. The clerk all but runs away to go get the items the woman asked for, leaving me alone with the woman. I was planning on thanking her again and giving her my Ravelry name so she could see the FO when she said….

• Woman: My daughter was on Xanax.

I am confused, then I realize that when my purse spilled open my own anti-anxiety medication bottle fell out of my purse – she must have seen it.

• Woman: She committed suicide several years ago when she quit taking her medicine. She lost her job and lost interest in everything she did – I didn’t notice.
• Me: I am so sorry….
• Woman: Can you do me one more favor?
• Me: Anything.
• Woman: Tell the people you love to pay attention if you cannot list, on the spot, something you are passionate about. To pay attention if you quit doing something you so obviously love. Tell them to pay attention.
• Me: I promise.

Friends and neighbors, thank you for letting me share this story.

October 1st-7th Yarn Photo a Day Contest! #yarnpadc

I want to thank Knitterly Hooker for sharing this on her blog because I am loving it! I don’t think that the pictures have to be all about knitting, but I am making it a personal challenge to do so. It’s how I roll! 😉 Also, I am using Vintique to get the super cute Polaroid style snapshots before I upload them on Instagram. It is a $0.99 app that I have gotten a ton of use out of.

Let’s look at some pictures shall we?

On my needles was the custom order aqua hat and scarf set for a custom oder. I love this pattern because it looks different on both sides, yet still feels as timeless as a simple rib. More pictures on that finished project later.

I was pulling my wool out of the closet because it is finally getting a little cooler here in the Buckeye state. Hey all needed a bath, badly. I don’t use mothballs but a sachet with cloves in them – that smell needs to be washed out – pronto.

This day was transportation – this counts…right?

My mommy-in-law got me a HUGE set of light up needles for Christmas about two years ago. Don’t tell her but I rarely use them. On the plus side though, if you are knitting in a theater they actually work really well!

I think that this is pretty self-explanatory.  This is a scarf that was in my PhD bin (I’ve been listening to the Knitmore Girl’s Podcast a lot – can you tell) that I plan to make for my brother for Christmas. We shall see if that actually happens.

Trevor was home and made this incredible lunch, it was such a treat. But I was working on a OSU Buckeye Scarf for a friend who needed it by game day – the food played second fiddle to my intense need to finish this thing.

Totally cheating, this is a picture of my Jayashri Sweater, but the brown is so yummy!

***** ***** ***** **** **** ****

I cannot wait to show you all the new fun photos next week. I am not sure who is actually running this shindig but if you want to join in, why not? Free country. All they are asking is that you use the hashtag #yarnpadc whenever you post.

That’s all the goodies I’ve got for today friends and neighbors, not even a question to end on! Have a wonderful week and I cannot wait to get caught up with each and every one of you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too Funny Not to Share

A little giggle is good for your health! 😉

Oh – and don’t forget to PARTICIPATE IN THE GIVEAWAY!!

Two Firsts for Me!

When I am bummed out about my hand I watch movie trailers – it takes me to my happy place which is a very, very good thing. The Wolves of Wall Street Trailer is my new favorite – I am literally vibrating with anticipation to see this movie. Enjoy the GIF. Enjoy the Trailer. Enjoy your day because there is a lot going down tomorrow.

Not really, just loads of photos if Flickr ever comes back up!

THE PHOTO! Totally NSFW or Small Children :)

Well, there is a solution to the conundrum of the Naughty Picture!

Click at Your Own Risk!

→ Click Here or on the Photo Above To See For Yourselves! ←

The Conundrum of Posting a Very Naughty Photo

Okay friends and neighbors, I am stuck. To post the very funny, very knit-tastic photo (that is also incredibly inappropriate) or not to post.

I will give you some clues to my dilemma.

I am throwing yet another bachelorette party in a few weeks. I am going to go ahead and give myself some props for being an outstanding bachelorette party thrower – I know no bounds. I have no fear of adult super stores, I have an entire box (hiding in my basement so Gloria never sees it) of cupcake, cake, suckers and truffle molds that are very appropriate for that sort of party. I am on good terms with at least two male strip clubs in town, I don’t drink so I can always drive and my emetophobia keeps everyone’s cars clean (I put the drunks in a cab and let them handle it).

Here is the thing. For this party, my friend has asked me to KNIT something for her and the rest of the party goers. I made it last night….it is staring at me from my iPod photo cache demanding to be released.

It is knitting – so there is that. But I try to not even curse on this blog, let alone posting a very naughty photo.

So friends and neighbors, any ideas?

In Which I See My Neighbors Having….Relations

The night had been so calm after the storms passed. The heat no longer felt like a wet blanket clinging to your skin and the stars were out. Despite my general dislike of moths, I decided to hobble my way to our back yard, turned on the back light and picked up my book.

I was settling into the familiar feel of the chaise lounge, allowing for the pillows beneath my injured appendage to conform to the massive boot when I heard a party across the way. Oh well, it is Friday after all and let it slip my mind. The book was captivating, I was totally lost in the world created for me by the author that I didn’t notice the back door opening across the way. If anything, I considered having the flood light on to be a good indicator of my presence outside – I was most definitely not out to snoop or spy, you need two working feet for that.

It was only a few moments later after lifting my eyes in search of my sweet tea that I noticed my neighbors…how to put this politely…bumping uglies. Yes friends and neighbors, my neighbors were going at it like bunnies on ecstasy. Immediately the blood shot to my face “good God, is this happening?”. It was. I really was. Neither of them under 300 pounds (not that size matters,except for the fact the noise they created on the squeaky chair – which was abandoned for the ground in quick order – was unbearably laughable) it was not something I had planned on seeing – I needed to get away.

Now, making  quick exit when your foot is (maybe) broken is not really an option, but the flood light was on and when they realized they had been seen…well…I couldn’t fathom their embarrassment. Ever so slowly I ninja-rolled off the chaise and on to all fours in a vain attempt to be stealthy – probably should have accounted for the fact that my book would hit the ground with a meat thwack! sound that would have scared birds. To make matters worse the noise, which was quite startling over the noise of the couple very verbally praising each others skills, caused me to jerk my head – thus spilling the remainder of my sweet tea all over my head.

It was at this point, on all fours and drenched in sweet tea surrounded by the echoing “oh God’s” and “Oh yes'” and “right there’s” and (horribly) “no, with your finger” that I started laughing. I don’t mean a giggle, don’t get that impression. This was a full body hee-hawing, explosive laughter that erupted from my diaphragm and, in fact, actually scared a bird.

Being found out was painful for my neighbors, they scurried (as quickly as they could) from the ground and ran inside where the party was still going strong. Did I mention they were still butt-naked and covered in grass stains? Well, they were.

Now, safely inside and clean from the shower all I can do is think “Wow, I should never venture outside when I cannot make a quick escape”.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS!

 

I Never Do Two Posts In One Day But….

….Since I pulled my head out of my bum and the hat is turning out really well, I thought I should share! Thanks to all of you who have been so kind, so understanding, so helpful and helped me get through my – rather annoying now that I’ve reread it – rant.

Say It Loud and Proud Grumpy Cat!!

 

Stitch Pattern Week 6 – Bad Books and Doodads

Since I was unquestionably late posting the stitch pattern for last week, I hope this will assuage any worries about my commitment. Ha! That certainly sounded pretentious! Sh!t, so did that! Any-who, with no further adieu, I present week 6 for your viewing pleasure!

Quilted Lattice

Normally, I would share the pattern written by my great-grandmother with a nice – if slightly snarky- correction on how the pattern would be written today. I want to do that for you below (it is down there, promise), but if you can bear with me there is a story that goes with this pattern that I would like to share.

First and foremost, I am honestly going to say that I went right to a stitch dictionary to find out how this pattern was supposed to be written because for the first time she actually included the name of the stitch! Whoopee! Hooray! No Frogging for this girl this time!

Wait…not so fast. If I learned something this week it is not to get overly excited that something may go as planned.

I went to a book I recently found at a yard sale for fifty cents, which seemed like a steal at the time but hey, what do I know? Maran Illustrated Knitting and Crocheting  seemed like a really good starter book for my niece to try her hand at knitting and I was familiar with the brand name, thus comfortable in my ignorance. When I found the quilted lattice pattern it was slightly different on one row from my GG’s dictation, but considering she wrote it in her eighties I went with the book.

Wrong plan. Bad idea. Don’t do it. No. No. No….NOOOO!!!

As it turns out, the pattern in the book was written incorrectly; after much frogging and even more cursing I went to Lion Brand’s website (I’d had it with stupid books with their stupid pages and stupid….stupidness) and found an identical pattern to what GG was attempting to convey in her own chicken scratch way and was off and running.

Work in Progress

Quilted Lattice – Full Size

Quilted Lattice – Up Close and Personal

Edited with Instagram

I love the pattern by the way, it was totally worth the hair loss caused my abject frustration, and as a bonus my niece and I stumbled upon a great DIY idea. This pattern lends itself to perfectly to having lovely doodads hung from the loose stitches, so I am currently doing this pattern again and following the idea born from Lion Brand’s website.

Lion Brand’s Website Craft Idea for Quilted Lattice.

So with another new project on the needles and an epic weekend Scrabble tournament going on between my niece, my husband and I, I am feeling pretty giddy. Loads of work to do but when you love what you do, it never seems like work!

GG’s Pattern vs. Actual Readable Pattern

quilted lace – Quilted Lattice but so close! A name for the pattern! Huzzah!

all wrongs p – Purl all odd rows (Good, good. Cooking with gas).

r2 k2 s5 yth k1. rep. last k – Row 2: K2, *Sl5 wyif, K1* rep *to* till last st., K1 (Luckily I have seen yth= yarn towards heart, so bringing it forward made sense, which made the s=slip fall into place).

r4 k4 lift k drop k5. last rep -1 – Row 4: K4 *Lift lose strand, knit into next stitch, bring lose stitch under strand; K5* . Rep. *to* till last rep, K4 instead of K5. (Dear GG, If you were planning on passing on your patterns, great googley moogley why did you write the stitch transition like this? Was there a maniacal giggle happening as you did this? Devilish glint in your eye? Sometimes I wonder).

r6 k1 s3 yth then k1 s5 yth till last 5 k1 s3 yth k1 – Row 6: K1, sl3 wyif, *K1, sl5 wyif*.  Rep. *to* to last 5 sts; K1, sl3 wyif, K1 (I am getting a handle on you, you old bag. Your odd shorthand is becoming clearer and clearer to me with each passing week. Considering quitting my day job and pursuing a career as a codebreaker for the CIA).

r8 k1 lift k drop k5 last rep k-4: (Really) Row 8: K1 *insert needle under loose strand, knit into next strand and pull off needle and under lose strand, K5* Rep *to* till last rep., K1 instead of K5 (Dear GG, I forgot to ask earlier, why do you hate punctuation? Is there some family history about punctuation doing my family harm? Wish you were alive so I could ask, cause it is giving me heartburn to think about it).

-Almost the End. Promise.-

If you have made it to the end, more power to you. So I shall end this post with a burning question in my mind; Has anyone else bought a book or pattern and had it be completely off the mark? And if so, how did you figure out how to fix the problem?

Thank you again for glimpsing into my families history and my passion for knitting. I must be passionate, otherwise I am just nuts!