Tag Archives: love

October 1st-7th Yarn Photo a Day Contest! #yarnpadc


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I want to thank Knitterly Hooker¬†for sharing this on her blog because I am loving it! I don’t think that the pictures have to be all about knitting, but I am making it a personal challenge to do so. It’s how I roll! ūüėČ Also, I am using Vintique to get the super cute Polaroid style snapshots before I upload them on Instagram. It is a $0.99 app that I have gotten a ton of use out of.

Let’s look at some pictures shall we?

10040478884_713399d451On my needles was the custom order aqua hat and scarf set for a custom oder. I love this pattern because it looks different on both sides, yet still feels as timeless as a simple rib. More pictures on that finished project later.

10058379506_ba4f09be50I was pulling my wool out of the closet because it is finally getting a little cooler here in the Buckeye state. Hey all needed a bath, badly. I don’t use mothballs but a¬†sachet with cloves in them – that smell needs to be washed out – pronto.

10080505364_b2a0d6da5bThis day was transportation – this counts…right?

10080714713_ec17f4d226My mommy-in-law got me a HUGE set of light up needles for Christmas about two years ago. Don’t tell her but I rarely use them. On the plus side though, if you are knitting in a theater they actually work really well!

10104546204_c1fec8ce1fI think that this is pretty self-explanatory. ¬†This is a scarf that was in my PhD bin (I’ve been listening to the Knitmore Girl’s Podcast a lot – can you tell) that I plan to make for my brother for Christmas. We shall see if that actually happens.

10111568563_bea4fe91e8Trevor was home and made this incredible lunch, it was such a treat. But I was working on a OSU Buckeye Scarf for a friend who needed it by game day – the food played second fiddle to my intense need to finish this thing.

10127433494_3d7b557123Totally cheating, this is a picture of my Jayashri Sweater, but the brown is so yummy!

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I cannot wait to show you all the new fun photos next week. I am not sure who is actually running this shindig but if you want to join in, why not? Free country. All they are asking is that you use the hashtag #yarnpadc whenever you post.

That’s all the goodies I’ve got for today friends and neighbors, not even a question to end on! Have a wonderful week and I cannot wait to get caught up with each and every one of you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Would I Be Without You?


If this doesn’t warm your heart, then I don’t know what will!

Trevor and Alissa and Yarn

 

For those who don’t know, I am incredibly arthritic in my right (and dominate) hand. When the great Ruffle Scarf Endeavor started I was okay with the knitting, not okay with pulling all the yarn apart. By the end of the night my hand was a ghastly purple bruise, even with ice and Advil the swelling was hard to control. My Etsy Shop¬†had never really done any business until the ruffles, and since I was helping to contribute to our household I never said no to an order.

After a while though my hand was a mess, I couldn’t hold utensils to eat and my knitting was slowing to a snail’s pace. Well, here came my incredible family to the rescue. It started with my husband. Trevor started pulling apart yarn and placing them in the reusable bags we use to grocery shop. My hand was starting to heal but still lagging, and I felt pretty darn guilty for asking him to help.

Then, miracles or miracles, my niece…my Gloria…wanted to help as well. She’d come over after school and just pull yarn without ever being asked. It seemed natural to her to just hunker down and help. That’s just how she is. Before you know it, I was back to full knitting ability and my hand almost looks flesh-colored again!

Trevor and Max and Yarn

If I’ve ever lamented over anything, and I mean anything,¬†then it was because I didn’t realize just how lucky I am. Being rich would be nice, no doubt about that – but I would never trade it for these moments, these amazing people in my life. Somehow I am lucky enough to have my two favorite people (and my favorite cat) helping me to do what I love, arthritis be damned.

Seriously friends and neighbors, does it get better than this? ♥

The 30th Anniversary Party! LOADS OF PHOTOS!


Thank heavens this is over! The party went fantastically despite the downpour that kept most of us in the house – this may also have been a blessing considering it was 108 degrees out. The flowers – both knitted and planted – done! The blank index cards from the guests – done! The two days of almost 17 hours of cooking – DONE!

I should have taken more pictures, but when the weather turned and the kitchen demanded constant attention I got a bit sidetracked. Despite my negligence, I want to show you what we’ve done.

By the way, I cannot wait to get caught back up with my blogging friends and neighbors without feeling guilty again!

Okay, let’s see if I can organize these is a way that makes the most sense…hope you enjoy!

** Edited Photos **

 ** Knitted Flowers **

** The Foodie Goodness! **

I could just kick myself for not taking pictures of any of the cooked food! I got so busy trying not to set anything on fire that I just forgot.

I thought I would include our menu, and maybe on a later post I will add recipes because it was delicious!

** The Menu **

  • Veggie Tray – Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots, Stop-Light Pepper Assortment, Cherry Tomato and Celery.
  • Fruit Trays – Cantaloupe, Grapes, Raspberries, Blueberries, Blackberries and Watermelon.
  • Panzanella Salad
  • Stuffed Mushrooms
  • Teriyaki Chicken Skewers
  • Fresh Basil, Mozzarella and Cherry Tomato Skewers
  • Artichoke Bruschetta¬†
  • Almond Cake with Buttercream Frosting
  • Key Lime Cupcakes
  • Chocolate Truffles – Cocoa Dusted, Espresso Dusted and Plain

I know I am forgetting something – but my brain is still pretty fried. I will go through everything when I do the post with the recipes!

** Balloons ** 

And last but not in the least Last….

** The Flowers we Planted **

** Then There are the Friends and Neighbors…and Family! **

That be all she wrote friends and neighbors!

I do believe I am going to go take a nap before I attempt to read any blogs, otherwise my comments are going to be as jumbled as my mind is at the moment – but I cannot wait.

Finally! So Much GOOD Stuff to Report!


My oh my dear friends and neighbors, my cup runneth over! A shopping spree on Etsy is starting to arrive, projects are getting finished and life is recovering its equilibrium. Where to begin, how to begin? Well, how about the beginning!

 ♥ Finished Projects ♥

I know it is Wednesday and I should be showing pictures of the copious amounts of WIPs currently taking over my living room, but I cannot resist sharing good news today. I finished two projects in the last two days; sitting outside and getting that much-needed vitamin D, I watched projects just keep growing and eventually flowing off my needles.

The first is the Graham Hat. I found it hunting down knitting projects for my dear Hannah Rose (hmm….hope I got that right) over at A World Created¬†who was starting her first knitting project.¬†I fell in love with its simplicity – and the fact that it isn’t copy written so I can try to sell it – and casted on. Wanna see how it went? Well, Hells Bells, I am giddy to show you!

I am very pleased with how it turned out, and the berry colored yarn is so ridiculously soft, I cannot get over it. I found it my stash (since T is out of work I am going on a stash-busting mission) and had forgotten it was there. Well, turns out that worked out just lovely.

The second project is one I have shared before, the Entrelac Knitted Cowl from the Craftsy Classroom. Once I got a handle on how it all works, it was the most mindless knitting I have done in a long time, which is fantastic! How could something that looks that complex be so easy to do? Practice, patience and lots of knitting love!

Oh, so much good stuff…and there’s more to come!

♥ Etsy Love ♥

In a rare show of support from my Mom, I was recently given a prepaid credit card to do some shopping on Etsy. The idea behind it was to be able to see how the shops worked, how things were packaged and how well the shops operated. It would have been perfect if she hadn’t said “Oh, you know. In case you ever actually sell anything” but today I just don’t care that it was said. I got online, searched my shops and my blogs and made some purchases.

I didn’t realize Hannah Rose was going to get two shout-outs today but here it goes. Hers was the first shop I went to, I had remembered a post showcasing earrings that made me drool and I thought this was the best place for me to start. A World Created is her store on Etsy and I am just head over heels for it, so many diverse things and such incredible prices. I bought the pair of earrings that I’d fallen in love with and to my surprise, there was a free ring in with my purchase! It felt like Christmas getting the mail this morning!

My New Earrings!

My New Earrings!

My new - and unexpected - Ring!!

My new – and unexpected – Ring!!

 

MY. NEW. EARRINGS!

MY. NEW. EARRINGS!

Even as I am writing this post I have the earrings and the ring on, I feel a bit like the girl in the picture. Just so soft, so feminine and oh so happy. The best part about the ring is that it is adjustable, so when my silly hand swells I can keep wearing it!

My second (of three) purchases was not from a blogger but from one of the best sellers on Etsy. I received a skein of Shimmer Silk Yarn (200 yards/.5oz) of lace weight yarn from WCMercantile. I am going to start working on my Beekeeper’s Quilt here shortly, and I thought this would be great for either embroidery or knitting. The packaging was sparse and to the point, but the yarn is really quite lovely!

Summer Silk Lace Yarn.

Shimmer Silk Lace Yarn.

My last package should arrive tomorrow from another blogger with talent to spare. Oh, this post has just been so much fun to write. The nagging Panic Monster cannot be bothered to pester me when I am in such a good mood. I have put off – at least for today – the fears and trepidations of facing life with an unemployed husband, an offending appendage, and facing the loss of health insurance. I am all about sitting in my garden, smelling the sweet herbs just waiting to be made into something mouth-watering. I am going to knit with abandon, love like there’s no tomorrow and cannot wait to post again.

Thank you again friends and neighbors! Your support, kind words and talent push me a little further each day to being the person I know that I can be. Have a freaking awesome day!

Lists are Calming – My Favorite Authors From A to Z


Dear Panic Monster,

You may have my attention after a particularly rough day, but I think I have you beat. It started with part of my oven falling on my hand that ended up with me in the Emergency Room – hyperventilating. My hand is all better, stuck full of drugs and relieved of it’s swelling it is the only thing that feel alright right now. OCD sucks, I know there are worse things but I will be damned if I can think of them right now. Thank God for Dragon Dictate. So, to calm my troubled mind here is a list of my favorite authors from A to Z.

Ah…sweet release. Just thinking about ole curmudgeonly Maugham makes me feel so much better! I never noticed that my authors are almost exclusively male and I find that rather odd, maybe it is time to give some female writers a bump on my “to read” list.

So friends and neighbors, do you have any favorite authors? The ones that make your toes curl, your heart race or quite your mind? If so, I am dying to know!

Wednesday’s WIPs & Setting a Good Example


Hello Wednesday, I cannot believe you are here already! This week seems to have sprouted wings and flown away from me a bit. So many things to do and so very little time. The needles are busy here in the Buckeye State on all sorts of goodies. As I am sitting here in my knitting/reading chair and looking at the profuse amount of yarn around me I am a bit terrified, how did I end up with so many things on the needles at once? Let’s see if I cannot break it down a bit:

  1. The Fault in Our Stars Scarf (my first every design!)
  2. Roman Pillar Stitch Baby Blanket (super-duper snuggly and soon will be off the needles)
  3. Magical Thinking Scarf (saw the yarn, thought of Joan Didion’s book and went with it)
  4. Stitch Pattern Week 9 ( better be off this morning – No peeking at the pattern yet though!)
  5. Another scarf (oh…when did I start this? Oh Right! Super soft scarf for a friend with radiation burns…that needs to get done yesterday…)
  6. Chevron Stitch afghan (this doesn’t need to come off till December 24th at the latest)
  7. Hot Water Bottle Cover (off the needles…NOW!)

Too many things going at once? Nope, don’t think so. When it comes to knitting I am like a swinger – married to knit but will knit anything….anytime and anywhere! ūüôā

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

-Good Examples-

As the weather warms and summer approaches that means more time for me and the munchkin. My brother works at Muirfield and the summer’s are so busy that I get to have her all to myself, where as in the winter I have to share her more than I would like. As she has gotten older and developed more of a personality and we have grown closer, she seems more and more adult every time I see her. In the back of my mind though, as we spend this time together I worry I am a bad example.

Due to a series of unfortunate events (putting it lightly) I am not where I thought I would be at 28. When I lost functionality in my hand I just quit writing, taking photos and expanding these things that used to be concrete dreams. I gave up a bit – okay, a lot – and it has been through knitting, my husband and the munchkin that I am slowly getting back to where I want to be. This doesn’t erase the fact that I am still not there, and since Gloria’s mother is not in the picture I want to be a strong female role model for the munchkin. Am I cut out for that?

Mental illness makes me goofy. My OCD panic monster has given me noticeable quirks that have always been accepted by the munchkin, but is seeing them bad for her? I try to get her to read as much and as often as possible (without being pushy), but do I know what is the best things for her to read? She spends time in our library at home, but have I filled the shelves with the best possible things for her to read?

We play Scrabble, we read, we talk about writing, we watch movies, we giggle….we do cool aunt stuff. I just want her to know how proud of her I am, and I want to be someone she can look up to.

So friends and neighbors…how do you set a good example for the people in your life you love? Any advice is good advice in my book.

* * * *

-Finding My Way Back-

I am trying to get back to my photography roots, trying to remember my dreams. Have a look!

The Munchkin & Harry Potter (Hat) Love


I have been listening to my friends talk about the birth of their children for years now, I may only be 28 but it seems my generation is okey-dokey with popping them out early. There is no judgement here; they all seem so happy, so content with life. I may experience the pangs of not having a child of my own – by which I mean someone who I carried in my body and brought into the world. I don’t think a day goes by where I don’t feel a sharp stab from this fact, being a woman whose body cannot do the one function that can create new life is utterly soul-shattering. Or it would be, if not for my Munchkin.

My Munchkin as Harry Potter - Age 4.

My Munchkin as Harry Potter – Age 4.

This is my niece Gloria, but for the purposes of this blog I will always refer to her as the Munchkin; this is what I’ve always called her and until she begs me to stop I will continue to do so. I did not give birth to the Munchkin, but I live and breathe for her, I would die for her. Isn’t this what motherhood feels like? Like an infinite well of love that will never go dry? She is the primary reason I strive to be a better person and has been since the day she was born.

Oh nostalgia, I am getting away from my point here!

Okay. Tears dried, nose blown and ready to move onward!

It was because of the Munchkin that I have been inundated with Harry Potter for the past 10 years. She LOVED these movies, we watched them so many times that the DVD’s wore themselves out and had to be replaced. I could quote lines from Harry Potter like a devout Christian can recite scripture, and I never grew tired of it. Watching her face come to life in the midst of imaginary worlds filled with magic created its own sort of magic here on earth. As she grew older and started reading the books I was elated at the possibility of continuing that magic, and I was never disappointed.

So as I was pondering Tiny Owl Knits blog and saw a Harry Potter-esq hat…well…my credit card has never jumped out of my wallet so quickly! The Parseltongue Hat may be my favorite Tiny Owl Knits creation due solely to the fact that the whole time I was knitting it was like a lovely trip down memory lane. I have been watching the Munchkin grow up for almost 12 years now (oh God, I feel old) but Harry Potter still reminds me of the magic of childhood.

So I knit, and knit, and knit until I could barely feel my fingers with my brand-spanking new addi-clicks which are as amazing as everyone says. It was the first time I worked a pattern from the crown down which was like a little adventure all by itself, luckily one that didn’t end in a brim that was overly tight due to my overly tight gauge. Stephanie Dosen is a genius with creative, whimsical patterns and this hat was no different. As I saw the snakes and their tongues sliding off my needles, well, I was giddy.

I love this pattern, and I will make it again and again. For now though, I am keeping this hat to remind me that life is magical. I may never be called “mommy” by a tiny little person who kind of looks like me, but I have been called “Rachel” for the last 12 years by my Munchkin, and there is nothing more I hold dear.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s out there! Mother’s Day may be hard for someone like me but hey, I have a Mom so I get it. Two baby showers this weekend and I won’t have another for a whole 6 weeks!

So friends and neighbors, any patterns/books/music/movies that make you feel like there is still magic in the world? If so, I am dying to hear about it!

Stitch Pattern Week 6 – Bad Books and Doodads


Since I was unquestionably late posting the stitch pattern for last week, I hope this will assuage any worries about my commitment. Ha! That certainly sounded pretentious! Sh!t, so did that! Any-who, with no further adieu, I present week 6 for your viewing pleasure!

Quilted Lattice

Quilted Lattice

Normally, I would share the pattern written by my great-grandmother with a nice – if slightly snarky- correction on how the pattern would be written today. I want to do that for you below (it is down there, promise), but if you can bear with me there is a story that goes with this pattern that I would like to share.

First and foremost, I am honestly going to say that I went right to a stitch dictionary to find out how this pattern was supposed to be written because for the first time she actually included the name of the stitch! Whoopee! Hooray! No Frogging for this girl this time!

Wait…not so fast. If I learned something this week it is not to get overly excited that something may go as planned.

I went to a book I recently found at a yard sale for fifty cents, which seemed like a steal at the time but hey, what do I know? Maran Illustrated Knitting and Crocheting¬†¬†seemed like a really good starter book for my niece to try her hand at knitting and I was familiar with the brand name, thus comfortable in my ignorance. When I found the quilted lattice pattern it was slightly different on one row from my GG’s dictation, but considering she wrote it in her eighties I went with the book.

Wrong plan. Bad idea. Don’t do it. No. No. No….NOOOO!!!

As it turns out, the pattern in the book was written incorrectly; after much frogging and even more cursing I went to Lion Brand’s website (I’d had it with stupid books with their stupid pages and stupid….stupidness) and found an identical pattern to what GG was attempting to convey in her own chicken scratch way and was off and running.

I love the pattern by the way, it was totally worth the hair loss caused my abject frustration, and as a bonus my niece and I stumbled upon a great DIY idea. This pattern lends itself to perfectly to having lovely doodads hung from the loose stitches, so I am currently doing this pattern again and following the idea born from Lion Brand’s website.

So with another new project on the needles and an epic weekend Scrabble tournament going on between my niece, my husband and I, I am feeling pretty giddy. Loads of work to do but when you love what you do, it never seems like work!

GG’s Pattern vs. Actual Readable Pattern

quilted lace – Quilted Lattice but so close! A name for the pattern! Huzzah!

all wrongs p – Purl all odd rows (Good, good. Cooking with gas).

r2 k2 s5 yth k1. rep. last k – Row 2: K2, *Sl5 wyif, K1* rep *to* till last st., K1 (Luckily I have seen yth= yarn towards heart, so bringing it forward made sense, which made the s=slip fall into place).

r4 k4 lift k drop k5. last rep -1 – Row 4: K4 *Lift lose strand, knit into next stitch, bring lose stitch under strand; K5* . Rep. *to* till last rep, K4 instead of K5. (Dear GG, If you were planning on passing on your patterns, great googley moogley why did you write the stitch transition like this? Was there a maniacal giggle happening as you did this? Devilish glint in your eye? Sometimes I wonder).

r6 k1 s3 yth then k1 s5 yth till last 5 k1 s3 yth k1 РRow 6: K1, sl3 wyif, *K1, sl5 wyif*.  Rep. *to* to last 5 sts; K1, sl3 wyif, K1 (I am getting a handle on you, you old bag. Your odd shorthand is becoming clearer and clearer to me with each passing week. Considering quitting my day job and pursuing a career as a codebreaker for the CIA).

r8 k1 lift k drop k5 last rep k-4: (Really) Row 8: K1 *insert needle under loose strand, knit into next strand and pull off needle and under lose strand, K5* Rep *to* till last rep., K1 instead of K5 (Dear GG, I forgot to ask earlier, why do you hate punctuation? Is there some family history about punctuation doing my family harm? Wish you were alive so I could ask, cause it is giving me heartburn to think about it).

-Almost the End. Promise.-

If you have made it to the end, more power to you. So I shall end this post with a burning question in my mind; Has anyone else bought a book or pattern and had it be completely off the mark? And if so, how did you figure out how to fix the problem?

Thank you again for glimpsing into my families history and my passion for knitting. I must be passionate, otherwise I am just nuts!

Experiencing Knitting Lust!


I collect hobbies and hoard information, very much like a squirrel with nuts. Every day I seem to see or read about something new that I just HAVE to learn how to do. So, if you will allow me to make a list for the goofy things I am dying to try to learn or knit, read on friends and neighbors.

  1. Knit a shadow box art installation.
  2. Knit textured wall art.
  3. Knit little owl stuffed toys for Stitches from the Heart.
  4. Knit a terrarium full of flowers, birds, grass, and bugs as a art piece.
  5. Knit a crossword puzzle blanket.
  6. Knit a chessboard blanket with pieces in starting position.
  7. Knit with beads/sequins (this whole application boggles my mind a bit).
  8. Learn to write a pattern that is cohesive.
  9. Learn to read knitting charts (sadly, I still have to write out the chart before I cast on).
  10. Learn to dye yarn.
  11. Knit a Fisherman’s Sweater for the hubby (he loved the hat, why not a sweater? we’re already married after all ūüėČ

The Inspirations

(If I am breaking some sort of copy write rule of thumb, please let me know and it will be fixed immediately)

There is also the every growing bucket list…just for knitting. I love lists and I love knitting, these things seem to go hand in hand.

The Ever Growing Knitting Bucket List

  1. Design as sell patterns.
  2. Be published! (holy crow, that would be amazing!)
  3. Be able to teach classes.
  4. Be able to teach classes to other arthritic knitter’s like myself. To show them you don’t have to give up what you love because your hands work against you.
  5. Learn to crochet more than just the basics (it is soooo hard on my hand, but that’s never stopped me).

There is time (oh God I hope there’s time!) to work my way through my lists and hope to keep you updated on their progress. Any projects, skills or abilities you are lusting after? Feel free to comment. Hope you slept well and have enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed writing.

WIP It!


The majority of this long, hot day has been spent on the telephone and knitting. Papaw is obviously missed, and it seems everyone came out of the woodwork to call “just because”. I think it is adorable that people call and try to pretend that they are not checking up on you, it gives me the sense that I am not alone in missing my Papaw today, and maybe a little warm and fuzzy as well.

Image

Finished Seed Stitch Scarf with Moda-Dea Yarn.

Plus it seems that being stuck on the phone for the majority of the day is the perfect catalyst for knitting, I finished two WIPs today! I don’t want to say it is a universal truth that people wanting to share in grief don’t like silence, but the amount of dancing around the issue seems true across the board. I have heard from people I haven’t heard from in a year and spent nearly an hour on the phone with my grandmother reliving the greatest hits of my Papaw’s life. Things I didn’t remember, things I will never forget, almost all of them gut-bustingly funny.

He would LOVE that.

So now it is evening, a time during which I am normally asleep but still awake today and full of knitting potential. I believe that I will put on my audiobook, I am listening to It by Stephen King and can I just say that Steven Webber as a narrator is phenomenally good? I was so unexpectedly delighted by how he made some of my favorite characters come to life. So with that, and probably a very poorly written post (I am half asleep to be brutally honest, but the phone is sure to ring again anytime now) I will leave you with my favorite quote from my new favorite audiobook.

Don’t it make you want to go home?
Don’t it make you want to go home?
All God’s children get weary when they roam
Don’t it make you want to go home?
Don’t it make you want to go home?
– Joe South

A Suiting Memorial for my Grandfather & the Best Dirty Joke. Ever.


I hope to draw you into the the diatribe that is the rest of this post by giving you perhaps the Best Dirty Joke. Ever. In my mind, it is always in capitals, perhaps on a marquee surrounded by big flashing lights and hoards of people gripping their sides and crying tears of utter contentment.

Enjoy.

      The Hallmark Company was going to hire a person to write verses for their new line of greeting cards. The Executives were interviewing two people who had applied for the job. One was a Harvard graduate; the other one was a man from Eastern Kentucky

One of the Hallmark Executives gave the two applicants their directions: STAND AND RECITE A VERSE THAT CONTAINS THE WORD “TIMBUKTU” .

The Harvard man jumped up and said he would go first. He said:

              Far across the dessert sands

Camels traveled in caravans.

One by one, two by two,

Destination Timbuktu.

Well, the Hallmark people clapped and cheered and said that was really good for such short notice.

Then the man from eastern Kentucky stood. He pulled up his pants high about his waist and said:

Well. Up in the woods Tim and I went.

We Found three whores and a BIIIG old tent.

Them bein’ three and us being two,

I bucked one, and Tim bucked two.

-Unknown Original Source

This was above and beyond my grandfather’s favorite joke to tell. I cannot think of a family member that does not carry a copy of this in their wallets, have it hanging in their lockers or can recite it from memory on cue.

William Gayle Sovine 1934-2011

William Gayle Sovine & Mary Rose Sovine. 1954

My grandfather, my Papaw, passed away two years ago today. I vaguely remember being shattered by this memory last year. It was a hard year after he passed and knowing that he had missed a whole year with his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren left me feeling emotionally hallowed out. This year, I am able to focus more on the memories that I cherish. These memories of experiences with perhaps the greatest man I have ever known, at least until I met my husband, have shaped me into the person that I am today.

My grandparents love story is epic; I suppose everyone says that and I would undoubtedly believe every word they said, but for me the love story of these two people seems to transcend even the most romantic books ever written. Being an avid reader, I can attest to this fact without pause.

Honestly, at the moment I am a little at a loss of what to write, there are so many things that I want to share; things about my grandparents and their epic love story, a self made man that came from nothing, a correspondence with Norman Rockwell’s that spanned years, a community figure that relished telling excessively dirty jokes and the ever present rock that this family leaned on. It could go on for hours and hours, days and days, and still I would not be satisfied that I had covered all that I wanted to.

Instead, I want to show grief, if you will allow me to do so. This excerpt was written the night he died two years:

      There should be a sense of relief, in the front of my mind I know that this is what he would have wanted. He went with grace and dignity even after 6 months of fighting something that was so obviously killing him. The tumors could be felt beneath the skin, the oxygen tank was ever present and I believe he was ready to let go in the end. To be done with the act of dying.

The last night I spent with him, dozing on the couch next to that awful hospital bed that invade my grandparents home was a perfect example of the ornery goofball I had always known

“Rachel….Rachel…Rachel…FOLK” he hollered from the bed.

“Ok, Ok I’m up, I’m up! What’s going on?” I said with sleep still heavy in my voice.

“Oh nothing, you just looked so peaceful I thought I would wake you up” he said with ¬† ¬† ¬†that wry grin in his voice.

After that his breathing went down to about three breaths a minute, but he hung on for another full 24 hours. He was a tenor his entire life and the doctor explained that he was breathing so deep from his diaphragm that he was still getting enough oxygen to survive. God he had a beautiful voice, we have been playing his recordings for days or our sake more than is I suppose. A small comfort for a situation that is anything but.

Plans for the funeral are already completed, now all there is to do is survive the next few days and lay him to rest.

*(Please forgive poor grammar, incorrect puncuation and ranting. It was a long day)*

I thought the act of burying him and knowing that is suffering had ended would bring closure to the whole situation. I worked in the Medical Intensive Care Unit at Ohio State University to pay for school and have seen hundreds of people die. In all by 3 cases, it was always a blessing rather than a curse.

Didn’t really work out that way.

I missed him more than I thought possible and lingered with this feeling that was always present, something that gets stuck in your teeth and try as you might you keep noticing it’s presence.

The following excerpt was written last year:

      There is a weight, I can feel it in my chest and in my mind even a year later. I have actively avoided going to see the gravesite, so much so I sat in the car in ninety degree weather just to not take that walk of the hill to see where he rest. The picture in my head is that of his coffin being lowered, Trevor and I were the only ones that could stand with my grandmother as this happened while the others fled to safer distances where they would not have to watch. I envy them.

How is this so impossible still? Memories, songs, sights, smells. I feel like since the end of March I have been consumed by my memories and none of them are good. I want to remember the good things but all I remember is the end. How unpalatable it is to perseverate on the memories that cause pain when there was 24 years of damn near magic where his life was concerned. He would hate this; he would hate that any of us are suffering and he would hate that the memories we seem to be left with are the unsavory ones.

The worst part about this is that HE is the one I would call on advice on how to handle the damning situation. The cycle of anger and grief, well, it sucks. Throw out eloquence Rachel it just sucks the root. The scariest thing about all this is the hopefully irrational fear that I will never remember anything good. Six months of doing his hospice care is what I remember, where is the rest?

He would absolutely hate this.

William Gayle Sovine 1934-2011

William Gayle Sovine 1934-2011

I am not ashamed of these feelings or the fact that I am writing so bluntly about them. When loss takes over, we can easily lose ourselves in it. I sure as hell did. But over the last year the seas have calmed, the clouds have cleared and when I speak about him all I feel is a privilege to know that I am more like him than anyone in the family. He is always with me because he is so much a part of my personality and so much of my history. Today, two years after we carried him from the hospice bed to the ambulance (health care providers, of which my family is full, would not allow anyone else to transport him) all I feel is the warmth of memories.

Kuddos to you if you got this far, I hope you have because seeing in black and white that grief passes is something that is so near and dear to me. So, to a wonderful man that gave me my sense of humor, my drive to work hard and my ability to be an uncanny smartass.

He would absolutely love this.

Gone but Never Forgotten

Gone but Never Forgotten