Tag Archives: panic monster

Suffering from B.A.D.D.

Or Blogging Attention Deficit Disorder. 😉

It’s been almost three weeks since I posted last – this is pretty horrific but sometimes life just gets in the way of the fun stuff. My father-in-law was hospitalized with C-Diff (if you don’t know what this is, don’t Google it. If you do know what it is, feel sorry for him). Obviously having someone to care for with an intestinal problem made my Panic Monster go into overdrive, it’s the nature of the beast I suppose.

So for the past two weeks, between working and taking care of family I have been washing my hands – a lot. I have actually started wearing medical gloves with ointment in the to not only heal my hands but also to allow me to knit without getting blood on the yarn. They are doing much better now – so it’s time to get back to work!

Knitting and Kindness

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After my last gloomy-gus post it is time to get back to track with the positive things in life. Also, this is far less annoying!

Let’s start with the kindness!

My birthday is two days after Christmas, and thus I rarely ever give a crap about it. We’re so burnt out after December – and the three family birthdays that come before mine – that by the time the 27th rolls around I just don’t care anymore. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just really don’t give a hoot about my birthday.

But this year I got two very unexpected presents from blogging/knitting/kindred-spirit buddies! I was gifted with patterns from my Ravelry Wishlist!!!! TEEHEE! I won’t mention names because I know one for sure wouldn’t want me to mention it, but it was the best birthday ever. You guys know who you are and I am so thankful that you thought of me – and I cannot wait to buy yarn to make your patterns come to life. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Hogwarts Express by Susan Ashcroft

Daybreak by Stephen West

Now to the knitting!

Despite being silly busy with work and family I am actually getting quite a bit of knitting done. Let’s see….where to start…

First pair of finished socks for 2014!

Thanks to Socks with Sarah (#sockswithsarah) and the Knitmore Girls Operation Sock Drawer (#operationsockdrawer) I’ve finished the first pair of socks for 2014! These are Patons Kroy 4-Ply Jacquard in Fiesta Jacquard. I was so inspired but the finished pair – and the fact that sock-rockets make my hands happy – that I’ve already started another pair. Also, for whatever reason, socks seem to tame my OCD addled Panic Monster. All in all socks are a clear win.

The next is the Honey Cowl by Madelinetosh – which is also a free pattern on Ravelry. It was a knit-along that I found on Instagram, and since it was in my queue I took it as a sign. I made it with Caron Simply Soft in Pagoda. I made the largest version of this cowl and it took a whopping 630 yards, but the finished project is so soft and so warm that it was work every single stitch. Honestly, I think I will be making a lot of these for Christmas next year.

So Long!

So I like a good collage, so sue me!

The last is actually pretty boring. I made a generic pattern for leg warms meant specifically for being worn over your pants in this frigid weather. Well, word of mouth spread and now I have an order for five pairs. They’re made with Red Heart Supersaver and take about 260 yards a pair.

Yea for knitting and reading subtitles!

30″ of 1980’s goodness! 😉

I have so many things I want to get my hands on that it is killing me. For now I am going to work through some orders and plan for all the things I can do to get in trouble. I am curious though, what are you dying to get your hands on? Friends and neighbors I am just DYING to hear!!

Time to Start Fresh

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Holy crap I almost blog-faded! I could make loads of excuses (and more than less likely will do just that :)) but as my dear Lottie from Lottie Knits would say “it’s time to get off my bum.” Oh! Also, it’s snowing – which greatly improves my mood!

Knitting Weather!

So, for anyone that is still reading this languishing blog, here is what has been going on the past few weeks to contribute to my blog-neglect (see? excuses already!)

– The Excuses –

No Dragon Speak Software – My NaNoWriMo gal has been plugging along so well with her novel that I told her just to keep it till it goes on sale on Black Friday.
My Mom retired – Yea!
I had an order for 43 ruffle scarves – this brings my year total to….wait for it….319.
I have gotten a boat load of questions from hospital workers since it snowed, and now have a nice little influx of non-ruffle knitting.
4 baby showers.
2 weddings.
My father-in-law has changed Alzheimer’s medication and is being treated for skin cancer 😦
My LYS asked me not to come in because they were afraid my hand would scare off new knitters.

– The LYS Experience –

Before I retell this story, if you follow me on Instagram you’ve already heard it, feel free to skip ahead (there’s a picture!). Also, I am going to keep this as short as possible – mainly because dredging it up makes me über cranky.

So back around the time I last posted my LYS owner called me to tell me knitting was canceled. No big deal. The week after that I called the shop to see if we were meeting that night and had the oddest reaction from a gal I’ve known for years. She told me _______ would call me back. About 20 minutes later ________ called me back and asked me not to come to knitting that night; they were having a meet-and-greet for new potential knitters (in a younger crowd than our knitting group (even though I am 28)) and she didn’t want my hand to scare them off.

My reaction was to go get on Instagram and connect with knitters who, in my mind, would be able to be objective because they’ve never seen my hand.

I. Was. Heartbroken.

The support from knitter’s on Instagram was so overwhelmingly awesome that I should have just snapped out of it. So what? I don’t have an LYS anymore…..

Nope, not going to work.

Instead of feeling the love from the 99.9% of knitter’s who are freaking amazing, I ran down the rabbit hole of knitting all the time to prove that I could do it. This is a fun mixture of stubbornness, OCD, and my very own Panic Monster. I have been eating, sleeping and knitting….and not a whole lot else. I have kept all my social obligations and haven’t become a hermit yet but saying I got a little obsessive would be putting it….lightly.

– The Fresh Start –

So here I am friends and neighbors, ready to get back to what makes me happy. I love writing and I love reading your blogs. Both of these things have been severely neglected. So there will be some catching up to do (lots of catching up to do) so please be patient. I am slowly going to try to work the comments and questions that I’ve received – especially regarding patterns – but it may take a little longer than normal.

Also, I follow loads of you on Facebook – I haven’t “liked” or commented on your blogs because my Facebook account and my WordPress account aren’t linked – but I have been reading your work. Rob’s Surf Report and A Tangled Yarn are just two that I read every single time they post. The Knitterly Hook-er is one of my favs to follow on Instagram. If you want to follow me on either of these sites click → FACEBOOK LINK ← or → INSTAGRAM LINK ←. Both of these sites get updated daily because I can use one hand to upload and type.

– SPOILERS!! –

Stick with me and I promise I will try to give you something awesome to read or stare at – as awesome as I can make it! Here is a itty-bitty preview of what I’ve got up my sleeve:

Second Pair of Socks – I never photographed the finished pair.

My Hat…No Sharing.

This took three and a half hours to type friends and neighbors, every minute both cathartic and totally renewing. I can’t wait to catch up, happy Tuesday!

♥ 100th Post GIVEAWAY! ♥

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When I started this blog I wondered if I would last a week, now here I am several months later getting to share my 100th post! I am going to say thank you a million times over at the bottom of the post, but let’s get to the good stuff shall we? Time for the GIVEAWAY!

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The rules for this giveaway are pretty simple actually, as much as I would like to use this post to up my numbers, I decided to go a little bit of a different way. So, here we go:

First of all, list YOUR passion (knitting, crocheting, writing, art, etc.).
List YOUR Etsy Page -or- small business website (if applicable).
List YOUR FAVORITE Etsy Store Page -or- any small business site (a link is preferable, but I can look it up).
Tell me a bit about WHY you love this store.

That’s it friends and neighbors, easy as pie. I want to be able with my 100th post to highlight all the talent out there in the our community. I want to shed some light on all the small businesses out there that are just trying to make a go at something they love.

The drawing will be up for one week (thus ending next Wednesday the 21st) and on Thursday I am going to announce the winner AND an entire post with links to your stores and your favorite stores. If it kills me I am going to promote all the hard-working folks out there just trying to make a name for themselves.

And for all your hard work?

** A MYSTERY GOODIE BOX FULL OF THINGS SUITED TO YOUR CRAFT/PASSION**

Within my budget of course, but you would be amazed with what I can do on a shoestring budget. The winner’s tastes and treats will be centered around the information you provide me – you won’t be disappointed!!

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I guess I am not totally beyond shameless self-promotion, but I want to reiterate that doing the following WILL HAVE NO IMPACT ON THE OUTCOME OF THE DRAWING – THIS IS JUST OUT OF YOUR KINDNESS AND YOUR INTEREST IN….WELL…ME.

Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AllNightKnits – All Night Knits
Follow me on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllNightKnits – All Night Knits
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/RachelFolk4 – @RachelFolk4
Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/allnightknitter – allnightknitter
Follow me on WordPress: Below ↓↓

I know somewhere in my mind that I will never get the following I would get if this is mandatory, but I just to want to roll like that. I hope that I have proven myself worthy of your following – that is the best thing I can hope for! 🙂

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When I started this blog I was floundering. Trevor and I faced the tremendous weight that I may never be able to carry a child and the thoughts were all consuming. We both have parents that are ill (my Mom with COPD, Trevor’s Dad with alzheimer’s and Trevor’s Mom with Diabetes) and the weight and worry that we 1) couldn’t fix it and 2) couldn’t make them grandparents was crushing me alive. It was hard to even take a breath; all my close friends are pregnant or new parents and I had never felt so alone in the world.

Then came this blog, this blessing. I know it sounds like I am laying it on pretty damn thick, but I wonder if I’m doing it any justice. With you I have shared my family’s history, some of you know who my GG is just by name and through you she still lives on. I have shared hilarity (my neighbors bumping uglies) my fears (my Panic Monster) and my simple joy of knitting.

Every day I am inspired by all of you, your posts have pushed me to try new things, learn new things and I have become very close to some of you – as close as the internet will allow. I guess you can say that you, my very own version of the constant reader, reminded me how to breath again.

So thank you, thank you so much.

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One more quick thing. If you feel like this blog is serving a bigger purpose than just a giveaway then please re-blog this post. The more people who see it and respond to it means the more small businesses that will be highlighted. I am just one little person who really wants to make a difference – if you can, please help!

Can Trying to Sell on Etsy Deminish the Love of Your Craft?

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In my ever so humble opinion, the answer is overwhelmingly yes. At least at the moment.

I don’t think I am alone when I say that I check daily (okay, multiple time a day) the stats on my Etsy store, my Facebook Page and even the stats on my blog. Every day though, I am left wanting. Still no sales, still not enough followers – thus not enough people seeing my work – and as for the blog, that’s a whole other thing.

My blog, my happy place, is doing very well. I wouldn’t dream of changing my community here on WordPress – I don’t long (that much ;)) for numbers in the thousands. However, I received an email from a fellow blogger that suggested, in lieu of my 100th post (which will be here soon) to try to use it to get more people to follow me.

Your 100th post is a great time for a giveaway, and giveaways mean exposure! Make them work for it – make them follow you on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Etsy, whatever. Make them be exposed to your stuff day in and day out- maybe then you’ll make some money! Good luck with that – just make sure what you are giving away doesn’t suck!

Wow. I know that the email was well intended but….wow. I have been happy just letting it smooth it’s way all by itself, the whole “build it and they will come” theory. Apparently, that is not how this works. More apparent is the fact that I don’t really like it.

I also don’t like knitting the things I have been knitting. In the hopes of making some money or getting more attention for my pages I have been working on things that are not on my priority list. I want to finish my shawl, I want my sock to find it’s sole mate ;). I want to try double knitting, learn to crochet, play with new knitting books and practice my spinning. Is there a way to do both? I see that there are some knitting stores that do very well and some that are just like mine, something akin to a frozen tundra. What is bothering me at the moment is the overwhelming feeling of failure – something my Panic Monster thrives on.

So what is a gal to do? Do I put aside the projects that I think will sell to focus on things that bring me happiness? Do I shut up and do what I need to do because it has been over two months that Trevor has been employed? Do I crawl into the fetal position and start eating my own hair? What? Seriously…what?

There has to be some happy medium, some place where I can remember how much I love knitting and still make things that people may want to purchase. I guess I am just still really new to this, usually when I knit it’s because a) the pattern demands it b) it would be perfect for…(fill in the blank) or c) this would be teaching me something new.

So maybe I will take the weekend and try to remember why I love knitting so much – do an internet blackout, or at least stay away from anything that is going to make me feel like such a damn failure.

So, friends and neighbors, what is a girl to do? ANY HELP WOULD BE MONUMENTALLY APPRECIATED!!

The Car Accident

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When it rains it pours. Was in an accident today driving to my parents to drop off invitations. No one was hurt, thank God, but there’s a lot of damage to our one and only car.

Even though the accident wasn’t my fault – the other driver was pulling out into a very busy road without looking – I am just at my wits end. To add insult to injury I fell down a hill looking at the damage to the car, re-injuring my already badly abused foot.

Yup friends and neighbors, I am about to just give up. Silly self pity I know but…damn! No more please!

Just a Quick One So You Know I am Not Dead

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Still alive here in the Buckeye state, so no worries there. The foot is still attached so I am considering that one for the win category. It has been bundled in this contraption until we see if we can afford health insurance.

Boot for the Klutzy.

My biggest concern is that I broke the same bone I have already broken in this foot. I talked the doctor out of surgery (screws, rods…eww) because my hand was broken at the time as well. If this is the case, then I may be majorly screwed. Or….it could just be a really bad sprain that will heal on its own. I am hoping for the latter.

It has been made more difficult because I cannot use crutches for long periods of time due to my hand, so I have been taking the pain medication for my hand (and well, I guess my foot now too), which is something I tend to avoid. I hate pain medication, it makes me fuzzy and goofy.

Because of this I haven’t really been doing my knitting for fear of making a mistake. Instead I have been working on my parents anniversary party – invitations, knitted stems and pom-pom flowers (those are very difficult to mess up) and a photo album of their 30 years together. More on that later.

I finished Gillian Flynn’s Dark Places, which was amazing right till the end – where for me it faltered. She had something that was really evolving into something amazing, but I felt like there was a short cut taken – like it was planned all the time but the planning was unneccessary.

I still really enjoyed it and it has been nice to relax with a good book. It was on my read-a-thon list but I have so much I want to read that updating shouldn’t be an issue.

I will be back tomorrow friends and neighbors with this week’s stitch pattern, no worries! Thank you all for your kind words and support – I will be back in the saddle in no time at all. Till then, try not to fall. 😉

Unemployment & Gardening & Panic Monsters & Photographs…My What a Title!

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Mmm….The dirt under my nails, my hair swelling from the heat, the sweet – oh so sweet – breeze that cools off the day. Fantastic!

It has been a good day so far, the hubby and I have been buzzing around the house with a new purpose – to clean/repair/improve every inch of the house and the garden. Within our budgetary means, which means anything we can do for free.

We have both been a little, preoccupied. Him not having a job is obviously already taking its toll, he’s like a hummingbird on crack. We will get through this no doubt, but I just wish I could ease the stress lines that are appearing on his face. It’ll be good for us to be together and working in the house, refreshing even. We can take our time, enjoy what we have and realized that we have more than enough in our lives.

I feel like I should be knitting, should be working on my Etsy store, should be blogging, should be taking photos, should be reading on how to….you know what? Never mind. In the here and now, I am happy just the way I am. I am going to drink my iced tea with lemonade and relax with a nice fiction book in all it’s purposeless splendor.

Just for fun (despite the Panic Monster’s fear of humiliation) here are some photos I’ve recently taken. Enjoy your weekend everyone, I will try to be more organized come Monday!

One Pink Rose.

Sky at Sunrise

Before the Storm

Flowers in Focus

Full Moon at Sunrise

Golden Flowers

Full Moon at 4am

Magical Sunrise

Rosebud

Water on Flowers

Hungry for Bird Feed

Bird in Tree

Dragonfly? Alien? Hmm…

Stupid Luck I Got This

Water Collected

My Favorite Movies From A to Z

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I want to give a HUGE Thank You to everyone that commented on my last post. I never dreamed that I would receive such kind words and support from such a wonderful group of people. I am incredibly thankful to all of you.

I love movies, always have and always will. Despite my emetophobia which can be exacerbated by seeing my phobia come to life on screen, I will never let that little Panic Monster keep me from what I love. Come what may!

: Assassination of a High School President

: Brick

: Children of Men

: The Departed

: Eyes Wide Shut

: The Fountain

: The Goonies

: A History of Violence

: I Heart Huckabees

: Junebug

: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

: L.A. Confidential

: Melancholia

: No Country for Old Men

: Ordinary People

: Pulp Fiction

: Quarantine

: Rocket Science

: Saved!

: True Romance

: United States of Leland

: Vicky Cristina Barcelona

: Wonder Boys

: X-Men Fist Class

: You Can Count on Me

: Zodiac

Wanna see the links to these fantastic films on Amazon? Click Below and I will do the rest! Hope you’ve enjoyed reading my little list as I did creating it!

A Sad Day

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I had planned on posting about my duo of OSU Buckeye hats today, but I am just not in the mood. We found out yesterday that my husband is going to lose his job….Monday. They sold his company and literally gave him, what, five days of notice?

The scariest part of having to live on just my salary is that our insurance was through his company, so come Tuesday yours truly will not be insured. That means no hand care, no medication coverage or either the panic monster or my stupid hand. I feel so horrible for my husband who has given this company 7 really faithful years.

So, to knit or not to knit? My panic monster is screaming that I should probably just sit in a padded room to avoid injury. Is this the American dream? Work your every loving ass off and have everything fall apart around you?

Okay, so I am feeling pretty bad for us right now. I just need to put my head down and push through. But man oh man, I am just terrified.

Lists are Calming – My Favorite Authors From A to Z

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Dear Panic Monster,

You may have my attention after a particularly rough day, but I think I have you beat. It started with part of my oven falling on my hand that ended up with me in the Emergency Room – hyperventilating. My hand is all better, stuck full of drugs and relieved of it’s swelling it is the only thing that feel alright right now. OCD sucks, I know there are worse things but I will be damned if I can think of them right now. Thank God for Dragon Dictate. So, to calm my troubled mind here is a list of my favorite authors from A to Z.

: Peter Abrahams

: Christopher Buckley

: Patricia Cornwell

: Joan Didion

: Dave Eggers

: Gillian Flynn

: John Green

: Christopher Hitchens

: John Irving

: James Joyce

: Stephen King

: Elmore Lenord

: W. Somerset Maugham

: Audrey Niffenegger

: George Orwell

: Tom Perrotta

: Matthew Quick

: Michael Robotham

: David Sedaris

: Hunter S. Thompson

: Stephen Unwin

: Voltaire

: Kathleen Woodiwiss

: Gao Xingjian

: Richard Yates

: Emile Zola

Ah…sweet release. Just thinking about ole curmudgeonly Maugham makes me feel so much better! I never noticed that my authors are almost exclusively male and I find that rather odd, maybe it is time to give some female writers a bump on my “to read” list.

So friends and neighbors, do you have any favorite authors? The ones that make your toes curl, your heart race or quite your mind? If so, I am dying to know!

Your Mood & Your Gauge – A Psychological Study

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– Not to sound desperate but Please Read This: I need input! –

The panic monster in my head started screaming at me one dreary morning this week, it was a litany of “you swatched this, why can’t you do anything right?” and “do you even know how to knit”. Well Panic Monster, I did a little study and proved that you are seriously messing up my knitting.

The back story to this diatribe is that a few weeks ago I designed a pattern for a baby blanket. I swatched, double checked, changed sizes to accommodate my misbehaving hand and put it aside knowing it would be ready when I went to cast on. So on Monday I did just that, I proceeded to cast on a whopping 244 stitches and went full speed ahead fully intending on pumping out this blanket. To my horror, the blanket felt stiff and tight. No longer was this the soft, airy, loose baby blanket I had envisioned, honestly the silly thing felt more like a rug than a blanket. I doubled checked all my notes and my swatch, I was doing exactly what I had planned. No deviation from the original swatch. So what happened?

The psychology major in me (one of my many degrees screams my OCD, type-A rattled mind) decided that my hand was not to blame for this one, my brain was the culprit. When I originally did my swatch I was relaxed; the weather was beautiful so the windows were open, I was as well rested as I get and Max was curled in my lap mesmerized by the yarn moving inches from his face. All was good in my brain the day of the swatch. On Monday, the day after Mother’s Day, I still felt emotionally hung over from once again not being a Mom. I was tense, upset, hadn’t slept well and had consumed copious amounts of caffeine. You can guess what comes next.

My Panic Monster was messing with my knitting.

I frogged the blanket and did another swatch, appalled by the fact I needed needles two sizes bigger to achieve the same effect. For all you non-knitters out there, two sizes is a huge difference – just picture needing shoes two sizes bigger. Two sizes…what are you supposed to do with that? and how much of this has affected my other knitted items? I have never noticed a finish product looking awkward or clunky, so how do you proceed?

Well, there are sedative….Just kidding. Kind of. You’ll see.

I spent the week doing the same swatch while experiencing the following emotions: Exhaustion (up for more than 19 hours), Happiness, Calmness, Sedation (a happy little pill to calm the Panic Monster that I rarely use, but after Mother’s Day I was a mess for several days) and Extreme Anxiety. I would come back to my needles during these emotions, knit the original swatch and then proceed to correct it with the appropriate needles. The results were a tad jarring.

Swatch: 10rows by 10rows should be 4″ by 4″ on size 7 needles.

Exhaustion: Swatch was 5″ by 5.4″. Desired swatch size had to be changed to size 6 needles with increase in tension.
Happiness: Swatch was 4″ by 4″. No changes necessary. Also no surprise.
Calmness: Swatch was 4″ by 4.6″. Only slight correction in tension needed.
Sedation: Swatch was 6.2″ by 8.7! Changed to size 5 needles rendered a product of 5″ by 5.4″. Changed to size 4 needles 4.1″ by 4.2″. Once tension was correct the product was 4″ by 4″.
Extreme Anxiety: Swatch was 2.8″ by 3.1″. Change to size 9 needles resulted in 3.9″ by 3.8″. Consideration with tension and yet another swatch led me to size 10 needles which was 4.1″ by 4.1″.

I am rarely sedated so I’ve dismiss this as a duh! moment, if you are fuzzy and loopy of course your knitting isn’t going to be tight. That’s why it’s not a good idea to knit while drunk, one of the many good ideas :). It was the Extreme Anxiety swatch that scares me; as I move my knitting to sweaters, shrugs and socks my anxiety could produce a product that is never going to fit right. How can you correct for the Panic Monster?

What I have noticed is that my knitting relaxes me. So I asked a nurse at work to watch my vitals during a panic attack; everyone I work with already knows about my Panic Monster and I have never felt ashamed of it. Thank God for nurses, oh hell, hospital staff in general. Nothing surprises them. Anyway, after about 20 minutes of straight knitting I am calmer, my heart rate slows and my blood pressure drops. So I have come to the conclusion that I need to be knitting something simple for about 20 minutes before moving on to the more complex, more complicated types of knitting to ensure that my gauge is correct. I am going to have to do the same thing before I swatch a pattern out so that I can avoid more frogging.

Yowzer. What a week.

So, friends and neighbors who manage to get through my ramblings I would like to ask a few questions. Have anything like this happened to you? Do you find that your swatches can vary from one day to the next? How do you work through the process of ensuring that what you are knitting will be the exact shape and size that it needs to be?

Stitch Pattern Week 9 & Expanding the Store

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Drumroll please….Here comes Stitch Pattern Week 9! The Linen Stitch!

The Linen Stitch

This week has seemed ridiculous, it just won’t slow down! I feel a tad bit guilty doing the Linen Stitch because I use this all the time. With a little Sugar and Cream yarn this makes the perfect face cloth! I probably have a dozen of these in my bathroom closet and use them everyday. I love the idea of being able to use something I make on a daily basis, I also love that the things that I make will always outlast anything that I can buy in a big box store. These are so simple to knit up and they never die! If they start to look a little grungy I just put them in with the cleaning rags and they get to live another life. They are also excellent for polishing silver, don’t ask me why…just one of the great things about knitted stitches!

: Playing with Light

: The Linen Stitch

: Ahh..Bumpy!

: Playing this some more light.

Alright GG, it’ll be a quick on today won’t it?

co odd – Cast on any number of Odd Stitches (Aces!)

r1 cor k then sl yth k, rep – Row 1: (RS) K1 *Sl1 wyif, K1; rep from * to end of row. (I think the yarn towards heart (yth) is really starting to grow on me.)

r2wrg k p then slp away k rep til end k – Row 2: (WS) K1, P1 *Sl1 wyib, K1; rep from * to last stitch, K1 (The wrg caught me a little off guard but like I said, I know this stitch backward and forward. I wonder if other women she knitted with wrote patterns like this?)

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

– Expanding the Store –

I have spent the majority of my day so far right here, in front of my computer feeling my shoulders slowly inch towards my ears. I have added more items to my Etsy store and although they are items I fully back on every front, they are…dull. Dish cloths friends and neighbors, I am selling dish cloths. I want to say that I know that these little babies will last forever, they are so strong and resilient to anything. Anyone who has every knitted with Sugar and Cream knows that it won’t die. I even reenforced the edges to ensure that the corners were double knitted just so the chance of them unraveling will never…ever happen. But who will buy these? My Panic Monster keeps telling that this too boring to try sell, even if the product is incredibly well made. My great grandmother mades these more than 20 years ago and they are still around, I hold myself to the incredibly high standards she set. That nagging fear of failure is still tapping on my shoulder, insisting to be be heard.

So what do you do when you’re stressed out about knitting? Stress out about photos instead!

Sunrise – Filter Fun

Sunrise- Filter

Summer Sky – Filter

Flower Study

Sunrise – Rainbow Filter

Flower Study

Sunrise – Texture

Bedside Table

Flower Study – Collages are Fun!

Flower Study

So what’s going on friends and neighbors? What do you think about the success/failure of selling/buying certain items of Etsy and do you think if you’re a knitter you’d look at it differently?

Wednesday’s WIPs & Setting a Good Example

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Hello Wednesday, I cannot believe you are here already! This week seems to have sprouted wings and flown away from me a bit. So many things to do and so very little time. The needles are busy here in the Buckeye State on all sorts of goodies. As I am sitting here in my knitting/reading chair and looking at the profuse amount of yarn around me I am a bit terrified, how did I end up with so many things on the needles at once? Let’s see if I cannot break it down a bit:

The Fault in Our Stars Scarf (my first every design!)
Roman Pillar Stitch Baby Blanket (super-duper snuggly and soon will be off the needles)
Magical Thinking Scarf (saw the yarn, thought of Joan Didion’s book and went with it)
Stitch Pattern Week 9 ( better be off this morning – No peeking at the pattern yet though!)
Another scarf (oh…when did I start this? Oh Right! Super soft scarf for a friend with radiation burns…that needs to get done yesterday…)
Chevron Stitch afghan (this doesn’t need to come off till December 24th at the latest)
Hot Water Bottle Cover (off the needles…NOW!)

: The Fault in Our Stars

: Roman Pillar Baby Blanket

: Chevron Sampler

: Hot Water Bottle Cover

: Super Soft Scarf

: Magical Thinking Scarf

Too many things going at once? Nope, don’t think so. When it comes to knitting I am like a swinger – married to knit but will knit anything….anytime and anywhere! 🙂

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-Good Examples-

As the weather warms and summer approaches that means more time for me and the munchkin. My brother works at Muirfield and the summer’s are so busy that I get to have her all to myself, where as in the winter I have to share her more than I would like. As she has gotten older and developed more of a personality and we have grown closer, she seems more and more adult every time I see her. In the back of my mind though, as we spend this time together I worry I am a bad example.

Due to a series of unfortunate events (putting it lightly) I am not where I thought I would be at 28. When I lost functionality in my hand I just quit writing, taking photos and expanding these things that used to be concrete dreams. I gave up a bit – okay, a lot – and it has been through knitting, my husband and the munchkin that I am slowly getting back to where I want to be. This doesn’t erase the fact that I am still not there, and since Gloria’s mother is not in the picture I want to be a strong female role model for the munchkin. Am I cut out for that?

Mental illness makes me goofy. My OCD panic monster has given me noticeable quirks that have always been accepted by the munchkin, but is seeing them bad for her? I try to get her to read as much and as often as possible (without being pushy), but do I know what is the best things for her to read? She spends time in our library at home, but have I filled the shelves with the best possible things for her to read?

We play Scrabble, we read, we talk about writing, we watch movies, we giggle….we do cool aunt stuff. I just want her to know how proud of her I am, and I want to be someone she can look up to.

So friends and neighbors…how do you set a good example for the people in your life you love? Any advice is good advice in my book.

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-Finding My Way Back-

I am trying to get back to my photography roots, trying to remember my dreams. Have a look!

Oh So Pretty

A Play with Light

Lilacs

Good Morning

Street Lamp at 3am

Nature Reflected

Cherry Blossoms

Stitch Pattern Week 8 – Dreams & Fears

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Well friends and neighbors, it’s that time again! Let’s see what GG could work out for us this week. I humbly present to you Stitch Pattern Week 8- The Daisy Stitch.

Hello Daisy

If you follow this blog, you’ll recognize the daisy stitch from the Hinagiku Hat that was posted a few days ago. I liked the pattern so much – and found it in GG’s patterns – that I went out and bought some ridiculously (for me) expensive pure eco cotton and made bath mitts! The green was so fresh and vibrant that is screamed spring at me, and knitting it was like going back to an old friend. Knitted in the round, the daisy stitch twisted and turned as if on its on accord. It was made to be big enough to fit comfortably over your hand so you can scrub till your heart’s content. I’m kinda in love…. 😉

Folds in the Bath Mitt

Hello Daisy Stitch!

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Wanna see GG’s written Pattern? No worries, it will be anxiously waiting for you at the bottom of the page.

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-Dreams-

This week I opened an Etsy store, made a Facebook Fan Page, and barely managed to keep my head on my shoulders. It has always been a dream of mine to open a little shop full of handmade goodies. I never had dreams of making loads of money, not that it wouldn’t be a good thing, but of having things I created put to use in other people’s homes. These items are near and dear to my heart, everything made with love and care but also with the memories of generations of knitters behind it. My GG’s dish cloths are still in use today and she passed on almost 20 years ago, but every time I pull one of her dish cloths out I think of her. The wonder of turning a strand of yarn into something purposeful and beautiful is still remarkable to me. I always wanted to share that with people.

-Fears-

The downside to trying to bring your dreams into the light is that there is that looming sense of dread that you will be a complete and utter failure. Take for example the expensive Etsy kit I bought. I loved it when I saw it, the designer did an amazing job and did exactly what I asked for. But I don’t like it. It doesn’t resonate as something I thought my store was about and now there is that shadow of doubt hanging over my head.

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The panic monster in my mind has been screaming at me the past two days, it has invaded every thought and every action with its annoying chatter.

Me: This is a good start.

Panic Monster: Not good enough.

Me: This is really well made, took a while but still something I would use or give as a present.

Panic Monster: Took too long, could be better. SHOULD be better.

Me: So the Blog following and Facebook pages will take a while to grow, that’s how it should be.

Panic Monster: Nobody is going to bother with your sill websites, they look like crap!

Me: So what if I haven’t gotten a blogging award, it’s only been eight weeks! Time and patience and keep working hard, it’s the way things are done when done correctly!

Panic Monster: Never gonna happen, duh! You suck, your writing since college has gone down the tube and nobody gives a crap for a sub-par arthritic knitter. Don’t quit your day job loser.

This is pretty much how it has been going in my overly anxious mind. My OCD and panic monster are chopping at the bit to remind me that, guess what? there are things you CANNOT DO! Oh well live and learn and then get a big bat to smash the panic monster to bits and pieces.

There are so many wonderful, award-winning blogs that have introduced me to the talent and creativity that is out there. How could I possibly compete with that? Some have views in the six digit category and some have hundreds (if not thousands) of followers. So yes, it is intimidating to put yourself out there. I am just going to have to remind myself (and my panic monster) that I love what I am doing. Worse comes to worst and I never sell a thing and no one ever reads my blog again, I will have gifts for the next ten years to give and I will always love writing.

GG, Papaw, my husband and Max would be proud.

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GG’s Stitch Pattern vs. The Real Deal

-The Daisy Stitch-

(No cast on number…hmm….good start GG. Good start!)

odd k – Rows 1 and 3 (RS): K (Good, Good.)

r2 k1,p3together,ya,p3together –Row 2: K1 *p3 tog and don’t drop them off the needle, yo (wrapping yarn completely around needle), p same 3 together again and drop them, k1; rep from * (At first I really thought that I was going to end up with no stitches left on my needles until I visited my Hinagiku Hat pattern and figured this out. Thank goodness for the internet)

r4 kpk-p3together,ya,p3tog -Row 4: K1, p1, k1 *p3 tog and don’t drop them off the needle, yo (wrapping yarn completely around needle), p same 3 together again and drop them, k1; rep from *, end p1, k1 (Again, thank you ol’ in-tra-net (my grandfather loved to say this just to bug the living he!! out of me) you’ve saved me loads of frogging. As for you GG, I wish you were her so I could take you to town for this!)

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Well my ramblings have gone on far too long, I hope you enjoyed what you’ve seen or read, and thank you for visiting. To pose a question; Where did you get the inspiration/ know-how to make all of your blogs look so lovely? so functional? so…inviting? You’re all inspirations to bloggers at any level!

Hello Hinagiku Hat!

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Spring has sprung here in the Buckeye State and I am loving every moment of it. Sitting out outside, watching the birds frolic amongst the bird feeders and the cloying sweet smell of freshly cut grass. Heavenly. With a new-found confidence that I will not allow either the panic monster or my arthritic hand from stopping me from doing what I love to do, so I pick up my needles and cast on. Hoping for the best.

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With circular needles in hand, I went on a hat making mission. Perhaps this is because of my miserable horror of making a pair of socks; I have the yarn, the needles, the pattern and overwhelming fear of failure! Out of misery came hats, so it can’t be all bad!

Max’s New Favorite Hat!

The pattern came from Ravelry user 87Cafe and I loved the new twist on the daisy stitch. The moving of the first stitch to the last stitch created this awesome twisted texture that just had me head over heals for the pattern. Look and see! 🙂

Close Up of Brim of Hat

Check Out That Slouch!

Side Shot…and ADORABLE Kitty

Spiraled Back of Hat

Look at that Face…both Max’s and the Foam Head

Hingakiu Hat

Nice and Slouchy

Max’s New Favorite Hat!

The Back of Max’s New Best Friend!

Admittedly, I had some trouble with this pattern. The brim of the hat is a tight rib done on size 3 needles, which made my errant hand scream in protest. There was a lot of ice and Advil in the first section of the hat (not to mention a nosebleed. Oh the joys of aspirin therapy!) but it was worth it. Changing to size 8 needles made the daisy stitch seem like a walk in the park, even the K3tog went smoothly with a looser gauge. I tried to take more pictures of the process; maybe just to remind myself that it was getting done, there was indeed progress despite the many trips to freezer for a bag of soothing peas. All told, the pictures were inspiring to me. Picking up my iPod and scrolling through the photos was enough to keep me motivated.

As you can see, I had some fun with the filters. It was a nice distraction from the knitting, it also served as a way to rest my hand without feeling like I was failing. Working on the pictures was like working on the project, so no guilty no-no feelings about my knitting breaks. Plus, the whole photo editing with an iPod still seems so new and shiny, like a child with a new toy.

Confidence is a beautiful thing. After my husband read my post (yes, my husband read my blog 🙂 he wrapped me in a big bear hug and said “I never doubted you, I just want what is best for you. I want to protect you from pain, but you are obviously too damn stubborn for that”. It’s been a very, very good day.

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So, friends and neighbors, how do you take breaks from your knitting? With so many projects on the needles I tend to feel guilty not working on it. Even if it not knitting you are taking a break from, how do you relax these days?

Please Don’t Tell Me What I Cannot Do

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To Those Who Doubt Me,

Please, do not tell me what I cannot do. There are millions of things that are worse than an arthritic hand, a hand with only a thumb and pointer finger that are fully functional. Or the wee little panic monster living in my brain, you learn to live with OCD just like you would live with any chemical imbalance; one day at a time. Look around you; you never have to look very hard or very long to find something worse. I consider myself lucky in that respect.

If I want to mow my parents lawn as well as their next door neighbors – whose grandchild is dying in Children’s Hospital- please don’t tell me I cannot do this. I can tie a twisty tie around the power mower lever and push with my palms. I can rest for ten minutes here and there and elevated the swollen, screaming appendage then continue the task at hand (no pun intended, although it is a good one). Real pain is having a mother whose lungs will not allow her to do the yard work she has always loved, or losing a grandchild whose heart has given it up as a bad job.

If I want to clean my neighbor’s house to prepare for the impending arrival of their first child, please do not tell me I cannot do this. This is may seem like a double no-no for someone struggling with infertility, multiple miscarriages, and OCD that gets set off at the drop of a hat around baby items. It may seem a no-no situation to avoid the panic monster living in my brain, that little bastard and I have learned to live together, he won’t stop me from helping a friend when they need it. If I can survive the war in my brain knitting their baby blanket, so soft and sweet and utterly heartbreaking then my hand and brain can handle Windex and Pledge just fine.

If I want to for hours on end, please do not tell me I cannot do this. There are compression gloves – both those you can find in craft stores and the more sophisticated versions that specialist create for loads of money – that can pull the swelling from my abused joints. There is Advil, Tylenol, ice and heat to sooth the pain and malicious looking bruising. I don’t mind the dusky purple color my hand takes on, I choose to look at my hand and it’s odd coloring as a sign that another day has gone by and I have not let my life be dictated by something beyond my control.

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I am not mad. I know you worry because you care.

I am not depressed. I know your concerns about the overwhelming emotions brought on by being surrounded by baby items with no baby of our own are painful, but hiding from them would be far more detrimental.

I will not be deterred. If I decided to stop living my life and doing the things I love for fear of pain, that would not be living. Life can be painful, usually is to be honest. It is how we choose to go about our pain that makes us who we are. I am choosing to be someone who will not be defined by a hand injury, I am not making it any worse doing these things, just opting to live with what I’ve got to work with. I will not be defined by the fact that I cannot have the child that I so desperately want. My heart may feel like it is breaking on a daily basis but to ignore or neglect all those whose bodies will allow them to make a new life would be selfish, inconsiderate and destroy that happier parts of myself. Family is, after all, what you make of it.

So please, take heart that I know my limitations, that I know how to live my life to the fullest and embrace the things that make me the happiest even if I get a wee bit teary here and there. And please – Don’t Tell Me What I Cannot Do.